Happy Valentine's Day! On this day about love, I wanted to share some of the parenting advice I've loved and adopted over the years. Some of them are light and fun, but many have gotten me through tough days and difficult moments. I take no credit for any of this. Those are all things I've heard, seen, read, and learned from other amazing parents I know. I hope you love them as much as I do!
- “Don't worry, babies aren't judging you for whether you're doing the right or wrong thing. They're worried about you getting the wrong diaper or not washing your hair today. They've never been a baby before, just like you've never been a parent before. This is a first for them. You're doing great.”
- If your child hugs you, never let go first. Please hold me as long as you allow. Often it's much longer and nicer than expected.
- Just when you think you can't handle another day of sleeplessness, potty training, fussy food, crying, fighting, things change. So, wait a minute. Soon this stage will become a memory.
- If your child is fussy, put them in water. If your child is fussy, put them in water. If your child is bored, give them a bowl of water (and some toys). Warm baths and water play cure many illnesses. (This often works for adults too!)
- Whether your child is at school, practice, or with friends, greet them as if they were the center of your world when they walk into your home. There's nothing like being the center of someone's complete love and attention, even if she's only for 30 minutes. Be very present for them in that moment. It will be a boost for both you and your child.
- Have your child wash their hands every time they enter the house from another location. I swear this has kept my kids pretty healthy over the years.
- Children thrive on routine work. This may seem pretty basic, but it's proven. That's also why the pandemic has been so difficult. Nothing was routine. If the kids have a snow day or school off and I have to work, we create a complete schedule in 30 minute increments. The structure allows them to move immersively from one game to the next, with no room for boredom.
- I love my kids and always will, but I'm not their friend. I'm their parent. Someday we'll be friends, but not for a while.
- A great piece of advice my parents gave me, and I'm starting to pass on to my children, is that if you find yourself in a difficult situation, you can always blame your parents. An example my family gave me (and I've been in that situation myself) is that if I was at a party and people were doing things I didn't want to do, I could say, , “I can't do that, my parents would kill me.” “Although it's mostly true, it was also a convenient outing that was the universal language of childhood.
- I haven't told my kids about this yet, but I'll put it on the back burner. This will always be their home, and no matter where the kids are or how old they are, they can always come home. Are you in trouble? Please go home. Are you sad and need to talk to someone? Go home. Need some rest? Go home. We'll get into the details later, but if your kids get stuck and don't know what to do, the first thing they should think about is “going home.''
- Indeed, just a few weeks after I became a mother for the first time, a wise cousin (an experienced father of three daughters) gave me one of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard. It was something like this: “Listen to all the parenting advice everyone tells you. Absorb it all, then ignore it all. Do whatever you have to do. Trust your instincts. You'll be fine.”
