5 Best Ways to Help a Struggling Adult Child

In my more than 33 years as a parent coach, I have talked to many parents of adult children who are struggling. These parents usually reach out to me when they feel lost. This post highlights why this is so heartbreaking for parents of struggling adult children, and her five guiding strategies for such parents. To do.

parents suffering

Witnessing your adult children facing challenges in areas such as failure at university, employment problems, instability in relationships, and mental health issues can cause a deep sense of helplessness and frustration. There is a gender. A parent's desire to provide support and guidance and the recognition that an adult child must make their own way collide, making it difficult for parents to strike a balance between providing assistance and allowing independence. It will be difficult.

I have seen how the protracted and unpredictable nature of these struggles exacerbates parents' anxiety, leaving them feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how best to bring stability and fulfillment to their grown children. I've seen it many times.

Parents are not puppeteers who can pull the strings and control the choices of their adult children. Still, you can equip your adult children with a healthier mindset to increase self-care while providing positive guidance.

Reducing parental distress through helpful and guiding ideas

Constructively helping a struggling adult child requires a nuanced, multifaceted approach. It is important to balance emotional support, encouragement to seek professional help, and practical assistance. Among the suggestions below, open communication, understanding, and reducing stigma around mental health are especially important.

While researching the third edition of my book, 10 days to raise a rebellious child, added a scenario depicting the struggles of adult children. It turns out that parents of stuck, frustrated adult children need to transform into empowering emotional regulation coaches.

The following five strategies form the basis for becoming a calm, firm, and non-emotional coach, which is so important for struggling adult children. Consider the following suggestions as supporting ideas rather than strict formulas or scripts.

1. Promote self-development and independence

Encourage your adult child to take an active role in tackling challenges and finding solutions. For example, Elaine helped her 27-year-old daughter Emma recognize her own strengths and abilities, fostering her sense of empowerment. This included setting small achievable goals for her and celebrating her successes, no matter how small.

By encouraging self-development, you can increase her confidence and motivation. In Emma's case, with Elaine's encouragement, Emma first volunteered at a pet shelter, then she was hired to work at the front desk and is now pursuing a professional certificate in veterinary care.

2. Establish boundaries and self-care

Maintaining healthy boundaries is essential when providing support. Recognize that you cannot solve all your adult children's problems or shoulder all their burdens. Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. Additionally, emphasize the importance of self-care for both you and your child. For example, it would be more effective for the parents of 24-year-old Alex to say:

“Alex, I understand that you are feeling anxious, but can you agree that it is your duty to find a job so that you have more structure to feel better? .”

In contrast,

“Alex, how many times do I have to tell you that you should have a job by now?”

3. Connect to your support network

Encourage your adult children to build and maintain a support network outside the family. Friends, support groups, or mentors can provide different perspectives and additional emotional support.

One of my parent coaching clients helped a veteran arrange for his adult daughter to explore military career options. This adult child began to feel part of a potential new community. This helped her feel less alone. She then met her recruiter and joined the military with an emphasis on training for a career in cybersecurity.

4. Monitor progress and adjust strategy

Check in with your adult child regularly to assess progress and adjust support strategies accordingly. Because our brains are hard-wired into a negativity bias to quickly detect threats, we tend to miss these very important personal victories.

Recognize that overcoming challenges is a dynamic process, and what works at one point may need modification as circumstances change. Be flexible and adaptable in your approach, considering their evolving nature as they overcome their struggles.

5. Study related issues

Olivia's parents realized that she was suffering from drug addiction. They took the time to study those issues. They found that attending virtual and live conferences dealing with codependency helped them understand the nature of Olivia's struggles. The knowledge they gained also contributed to reducing their misconceptions and creating a more supportive environment for Olivia to receive beneficial treatment.

final thoughts

Remember that each person is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to supporting your struggling adult child. Patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt strategies will be key factors in helping them overcome difficulties and work toward a more positive future.

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