“Wait until they're teenagers.” This is one of the things I often hear from grandmas at the grocery store as they watch me load gallons of milk into carts. is. It's the head-shaking, know-it-all, hold-your-breath response you get from parents who have gone far beyond changing diapers, carpooling to kindergarten, and keeping math flashcards in their wallets. It's the same as tweeting.
It's not like I didn't think about my little “angel” becoming a gangly, awkward, prepubescent backbiter. It's about trying to block out the thought that it might be even harder than what you're doing right now. Pew Research reports that parents of children under the age of 5 (that's me) are more likely to feel that raising children is a challenge. everytime It's more tiring than someone with a child over 5 years old.
But friends with teenagers say it's a different kind of fatigue, less physically and more emotionally exhausting. Sounds pretty bad. But as a former teacher of teenagers, I was idealistic in the best way, excited about future possibilities, and more caring and creative than many adults I know, which is why I told this story. I thought there must be another side to it. Maybe there's some grander side of parenting a teenager hidden there that I can look forward to?
As a therapist who works with children, teens, and families, Daniel Rinaldi, MA, therapist, life coach, and founder of MNTL Town, says there are many positive aspects to this stage of parenting.
“First, the teenage years can be a time of incredible growth and development for both teenagers and their parents. During the teenage years, parents may find that their relationships with their children are more mature and mutually beneficial, characterized by deeper conversations, shared interests, and mutual respect. ,” he says.
“Additionally, parenting teens provides an opportunity for parents to guide and support their children through important milestones such as academic achievement, extracurricular activities, and navigating relationships such as love and friendships.”
Parents I spoke to for this story agree. Here's what they shared about the perks of having a teenager and the deeply touching moments.
conversation
Jessica Etting, a mother of three in Los Angeles, California, lures her 14-year-old son out of a place called the “Mini Man Cave” and feeds him. Afterwards, the two have the best conversation.
“I often hear stories about teenage boys just grunting 'Yeah' and 'No', but the truth is, my 14-year-old son and I have had some of the best conversations we've had as adults. “I feel like I'm there,” she says. “We get to talk in depth about so many things, whether it's something that's going on in the world that he has questions about or something that's going on at school that he has strong opinions about. He's naturally interested in the world that's unfolding around him, so we're able to dig deeper now than when he was younger. It's very quick and sharp and always makes us laugh.”
Teens are also very good at pointing out things that adults don't notice or don't want to comment on. “My husband and I inevitably argue about his accurate observations and the little truths he points out. These chats are often the most enjoyable part of my day. “It's real, it's fascinating, and it brings us so much closer together in our evolving relationship as mother and son,” Etting says.
Some conversations may go deeper than you expected. For example, Eileen Weintraub, a New York mother of a 17-year-old boy, says, “We've been reading all kinds of books and sharing ideas, and one of the most recent ones is… all the invisible lightIt sparked a conversation about history and the horrors of war. ”
relaxation
When I imagine being a mother to teenagers, I worry about waking up in the middle of the night waiting for them to come home safely. It seems stressful and nerve-wracking. Still, multiple parents I spoke to said they were more relaxed now than they were when they had young children.
Jennifer Seitz, a mother of two teenagers who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, says, “Everything from everyday things like meals and carpooling to outings and family vacations has led to deeper conversations, more mature personalities, and a greater sense of humor. It adds a sense of style to it, and it's fun just to be with them. It's even more relaxing.” She jokes that sleeping in at night is a privilege for parenting teenagers, as is not having to find a babysitter for a night out. Mothers of young children around the world could seriously endorse it.
Is that…respect?
When I asked parents what they liked about their teens, the words I never expected to hear were: respect.
Nicole Guerin, a mother of 13, 11, and 7-year-olds in Boston, Massachusetts, says, “Parenting teenagers, especially boys, is not without its challenges, but I think it's one of the challenges.'' I feel that it is.” At his most enjoyable stage, he was great fun to spend time with, incredibly supportive of his siblings (now able to babysit), respectful of me and his father's careers, and interested in them. have. This is just a special stage. ”
As a former teacher, I have found that gaining the respect of teenagers is more difficult than that of younger children, but once it is firmly established, that respect runs even deeper.
perspective
If you've ever asked a teenager about their political views, they usually have something to say, because they're not yet exhausted by the same problems that adults face over the decades. There should be.
“One of the greatest things was having the opportunity to spend time with his group of friends as they grew into adults with political views, opinions, and unique outlooks on life,” Guerin said. To tell.
Samantha Slavin-Bick, a California mother of a teenage son, said, “The relationships between caregivers and children primarily improve as we share our thoughts and passions about our lives, our planet, and the issues that affect it.'' “It evolved into a more intellectual relationship.” School, politics, history, science, gender, etc. We have more meaningful conversations. I love learning about his perspective, even though I'm his Gen We expanded and informed each other's perspectives on the world. ”
unexpected event
Most mothers are in awe of watching their children grow into adults and defining what that means to each child, even if it's not what they expected. I expressed my thoughts.
“I love seeing hints of who my 13-year-old son will be when he grows up. He's intentionally finding ways to be more independent and express who he is. At school. “I'm so grateful to see him discover and pursue his interests in life,” says Suzanne Brown, a mother of two sons who lives in Austin, Texas.
Stacey Feintuch, a mother of a 10-year-old and an almost 14-year-old in Washington Township, New Jersey, was surprised when her son asked her to take him cologne shopping at Macy's. He talked about the moment.
“I was so touched. When we got to the parking lot, he invited me to get into the car. I thought he just wanted my credit card! He offered me different scents. “It was a very special afternoon,” she says. “My house smells like cologne right now, and he chose the most expensive one. But I'm glad we had that bonding experience.” [and] I was very happy that we could spend such time together. ”
After tumultuous years with her own mother, Trey Bodge, a mother of a teenage daughter in Montclair, New Jersey, knew that raising a teenager would be difficult and conflict-filled. He says he was doing it. “Fortunately, nothing turned out the way I expected. Sadie is much different and emotionally much more evolved than she was when I was a teenager. I think I'm more evolved now than my mother was when I was a child. That's the goal, right?
