All parents are familiar with the frustration and helplessness that arises when a child is emotionally depressed. No one is immune to overwhelming emotions at times, not even Drew Barrymore, as she shared on a recent episode. The Drew Barrymore Show. In a conversation with psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Aliza Pressman about her new book, 5 principles of parentingMs Barrymore said Mr Pressman's advice had fundamentally changed the way she parented her daughters Olive, 11, and Frankie, 9.
“I had a daughter, Olive, and I know Aliza, but she was going through a phase. This was many years ago. Whenever she was in a bad mood, I I went to her and tried to make things better,” Barrymore said. .
“It wasn't what she wanted the most or wanted. I didn't understand. Either she would run away or she would come back to me. But either way. On both ends of the spectrum, Aliza taught me how to discipline myself.'' , which is also like, “Okay, you walk into the room and say, “I understand you have a moment.'' I was like, just tell me. ”
And instead of continuing to interact with her daughter in a state of high spirits, Ms. Barrymore followed Pressman's advice and simply stood outside the door, took a deep breath, and assured Olive that her daughter was right on the other side of the door. , if and when she's ready to talk.
“I think we're so afraid of big emotions that we try to fix them, and that's what we're chasing,” Pressman said.
“Yes! I was literally chasing her,” Barrymore agreed.
“The message is, 'We're afraid of emotions.' And emotions aren't dangerous,” Pressman continued. “As an adult, you can discipline yourself and say, 'Okay, I'm not being chased by a bear. My daughter isn't being chased by a bear.'” So this isn't an emergency, it's an emotional situation. It's a thing. ”
The urge to help your child in the face of discomfort or misfortune is an inevitable aspect of parenting, but giving in to it is a common parenting mistake and a hallmark of helicopter parents. Even if the underlying intentions are good, raiding can become a form of emotional overprotection that can actually stunt development and cause children to engage in antisocial behavior and struggle in school. There is a possibility. Like a father reported previously.
“It's natural to want to make sure your child is happy,” Pressman told Barrymore. “But we need our children to know how to dress for the weather and not try to control the weather just because we can't. , we need to help our children better understand that they can survive and that we will not budge.”
Happiness expert Arthur Brooks recently appeared on a TV show and put his own spin on this idea. Today with Hoda and Jenna.
“One of the things I've seen is that parents are too worried about their children being unhappy,” Brooks said. “They're surprised by that. A lot of helicopter parents are always thinking about their child's feelings and trying to brush off any bad feelings, but that's a mistake. Your child has to be alive. . Your child needs to learn. Your child needs to grow. You want your child to have a happier life.”
Many other studies support Barrymore's positive experience, focusing first on: self– Regulation when the child is irritated.One of the recent studies featured in Like a father found that emotional intelligence (the ability to manage one's own emotions and understand those of those around them) is the absolute foundation of a healthy parenting style.
“Parents with high levels of emotional intelligence demonstrate high levels of parenting competence as a result of employing specific emotional intelligence strategies during the parenting process,” the study authors wrote. “High levels of emotional intelligence in parents are associated with the adoption of an authoritative parenting style that is consistent with specific elements of this intelligence.”
In short, a balance of self-esteem and self-compassion is needed for parents to develop a toolbox of healthy parenting skills. These traits allow parents to gain confidence from positive experiences without being harshly critical of themselves when the going gets tough.
As Barrymore and countless other parents know all too well, when a child walks into their room and slams the door, it means they are not in the mental or emotional state to have a rational conversation. It shows that. While this type of behavior cannot be ignored, it is important to fight the urge to resolve the situation immediately and wait until everyone involved has calmed down emotionally before attempting to get back on track. Better to try.
To watch the entire clip The Drew Barrymore Show, click here.
