divorce: No, I didn't just call him a brat. No, no, no.
“It’s hard for adults too”!?
I'm going to hope with every cell of hope that you wrote this in a fit of rage and wish only that it be retracted. But in case you're up for it:
Your son had no say in the dissolution of the home and family. That's traumatic.
You want to tell him which parent he wants to spend more time with than the other. Also Traumatic. No matter the age, forcing a child to choose one parent over the other is not good for the child. Do you have any idea about the guilt he would carry if he made this choice for himself?
I 100 percent support him in not giving in to pressure to make decisions that are beyond his level of maturity.
You and your soon-to-be ex-lover need to make this decision now, egos aside, based on what you can agree is best for your son. Whether one of you agrees that parenting during the school week is better than the other. Or a better home, neighborhood, or better access to friends. Or shorter distance to his favorite activities. Just grow your elf and do it. If that is not possible, participate in mediation. You can do anything but throw that weight on an already traumatized child. Or you expect him to deal with it the same way you or any other adult would.
Then apologize to the kid in your heart. Because, it's amazing.
· As a teacher, I want him to think about how to make his student life the best it can be. Shorter commute times, access to the best schools, more friends, easier access to fun after-school activities, and more homework support at home. Your son has been through so much. He doesn't want your schoolwork or friendships to suffer unnecessarily.
I hope you and his other parent grow up quickly. It won't take him long to get this right, as he plans to move out of the house in a few years. Your letter suggests that you don't understand the needs of children and teens and aren't in the habit of putting them first.
· I don't usually think it's a bad idea to let a 13-year-old make their own life choices. But if he's refusing to make a decision, that shows he's overwhelmed, right?
· I'm a divorce lawyer. Please discuss this decision with a trusted mental health professional. But Carolyn is spot on. Whatever you do, take this burden off your too-young son's shoulders and tell him that now.
