How do you know if your child is on the right track? As a conscious parenting researcher and coach, I have studied the behavior of over 200 children. The results showed that children with high emotional intelligence do six important things:
Like emotional detectives, they are good at picking up on other people's emotions by sensing their body language and facial expressions.
You might say, “Mom, my friend Sarah was really quiet today. I asked her if she wanted to play and she said no. I think she was sad about something.”
How to build this skill: Have a reflective conversation about the day and discuss the emotions you observed in the people you interacted with. This kind of chit-chat strengthens your ability to read emotions and increases your confidence in understanding others.
You can ask, “What kind of mood do you think your classmates were in today?”
They not only identify the emotions of others, but also show genuine concern and offer help.
For example, during a playdate, your child notices that their friend is upset because they didn't win a game. She walked up to him and said, “You played very well! Would you like to play some other songs with me?”
How to build this skill: The most powerful way for parents to encourage empathy in their children is to model it themselves.
If your neighbor is sick, you can say, “I'm worried about Mrs. Brady. Let's check on her and see if she needs any help.''
Emotionally intelligent children are good at sharing their feelings.
When your child says, “I'm frustrated because I couldn't solve this puzzle,” or “I'm happy because I helped my friend fix her toy,” they are recognizing and communicating their emotions.
How to build this skill: Make it a point to label your Emotions: “I'm sorry I can't find my keys” or “I'm a little overwhelmed with so much work to do.”
This will help normalize discussing emotions and help your child do the same more naturally.
Children who are able to cope smoothly with changes in routine or calmly process disappointing news are a sign of emotional maturity.
For example, when an outdoor picnic is canceled due to rain, a child can respond to the change without getting upset or throwing a tantrum by saying, “Oh, it's raining. Let's have a picnic indoors!” Accept it calmly.
How to build this skill: Also, It starts with the parents. Being flexible and calm in our own reactions models adaptive behavior for our children to imitate.
Encourage your child to problem solve and brainstorm solutions. “What can I do instead?”
Emotionally smart children can pick up on subtle cues that others might miss.
When you talk about your day, they don't just listen. They are sensitive to the emotions behind your words. They ask questions and show genuine curiosity.
How to build this skill: When your child has something to talk about, give them your full attention. Make eye contact, stop everything else, and get on their level. Reflect and repeat what the other person said to show you were listening.
Emotionally smart children are able to deal with big emotions, stay calm when things get tough, and make wise choices.
Imagine your child is playing a game with a friend and losing a round. Rather than reacting in frustration, a child who is good at self-regulation may take a moment to catch his breath and then jump back into action with a positive mindset.
They keep their cool and keep going even after disappointment.
How to build this skill: Resisting our own small “tantrums”, such as yelling or overreacting, is a fundamental way to promote this skill in children.
You can also introduce the “pause and breathe” technique to teach your child to take deep breaths or count to 10 during difficult moments. Let them watch you do it too.
When our children see us handle difficult situations with grace, it is a lesson they will never forget.
Reem Lauda A highly certified parenting coach, connected discipline method, a coaching program for parents of strong-willed children.follow her Instagram and tick tock.
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