Kate Morris writes about how autistic people have guided her family in learning how their autistic daughter experiences the world in unique ways. Guided by Biblical truth, they understand what a different kind of parenting can be. She is working on compiling her research and her experiences into a book.
I shushed the screaming baby by jumping up and down, hot tears dripping from my eyes as I desperately prayed that my baby would fall asleep for the first time that day. But her crying didn't stop. Finally, I tied her to her chest and walked down her street, hiding her eyes with her dark sunglasses so that no one would guess how hard I was crying. why doesn't she sleep? Every day was the same. She was a few months old, but none of her parenting books helped, Tresillian's sleep center didn't help, and following her friends' advice made no difference. For the first time, I learned that this precious little one needed a different way of being raised.
Over the next few years, my husband and I gleaned parenting wisdom from everywhere we could find: books, other parents, and podcasts, and we particularly sought out Christian wisdom. But we mainly used this as a jumping off point to dive into different parenting decisions that fit our family. A few years after our daughter was born, our daughter was officially identified as autistic. We suddenly understood why we needed to approach everything differently because our daughter has a different experience of the world.
It felt like the theater curtain had been pulled back to reveal a performance I never thought would be there.
Since we began diving into the world of autism, autistic adults have been great guides by sharing their experiences with us. There have been many moments of new understanding for us, conversations with our daughter where we have come to understand her perspective, and she has come to understand ours. She uses her amazing gift of words and expression to clarify her own perspective to patiently help us grow.
I remember listening to some great podcasts early on in my learning process. 1800 seconds about autism, a BBC program hosted by two autistic people. Two of the organizers explained that certain paints and patterns on walls and floors can make people feel sick, dizzy and have trouble concentrating. Paint on the wall? It felt like the theater curtain had been pulled back to reveal a performance I didn't know was there, a dimension I wasn't aware of. The color of the paint, the strokes of the brush, the way the light is diffused, and the interaction with surrounding objects combine into an emotional performance that can be loud, mesmerizing, and potentially sickening.
I was now interested in new aspects of the world, and for the first time I asked my daughter if the paint in her classroom was clean. “We have a scary wall!'' she told me with emotion. “I can't see it. It's disgusting. If I happen to see it, it sticks with me and it takes me a long time to get it out of my head.” Until then, I thought I knew all the reasons why school was tiring for children. Parents are told that their children will quickly adapt and won't be as exhausted. However, for those who are experiencing this, the wall alone may be draining their energy and patience.
Autistic people play an important role in understanding autism fatigue.
Understanding differences in energy expenditure is an important element in understanding how autistic people experience the world. The autism community has been a guide for us in this regard. A child psychologist, who is also autistic, explained to her family that autistic people often don't have a filter and need to process it. all. So you can go to Kmart to buy a lunch box and look around the shelves to find it. Although it can be distracting at times, it's not an overwhelming experience. My body is experiencing walking and that's all that contributes to my energy expenditure.
But the psychologist explained that as an autistic woman, she had to process everything. She also has strong sensory sensitivities. Therefore, the same work can be almost debilitating for her. For her, this trip could be: Fluorescent lights are bright and one flickers, sending flashes of bright white and darkness. The song she plays brings back sharp and painful memories of the wedding it was played at, and now her friends are divorced. When was the last time she saw them? Her ears start ringing loudly from the volume of the song. The old man looked at her and accidentally made eye contact with her, sending a jolt of ice down her spine. The man's shoelaces came undone and flipped eerily back and forth as he shuffled past. The label on the plate on the shelf is misspelled as “pates”. She adjusts the label in her mind and continues her adjustment while having a mental image of the label. There was a crash nearby and it exploded in her head like a bomb. She turned around and noticed that her bag had hit a drink bottle on the shelf. Her heart is still pounding, her face is flushed with embarrassment and shock, and she knows she will be repeating this moment hundreds of times over the next few hours. She rushes to her lunch box, grabs her box and dashes towards the register. noise. people. beep. I can't sit down. beep. music. Where is her payment card? Beep. bright tiles. Her socks fall off. beep. eye contact. beep. There's garlic breath in the air. beep.
Understandably, she is completely, extremely exhausted.
God is the creator of differences. That's what makes fruit salad delicious.
Autistic people play an important role in understanding autism fatigue. My friend described it as having the flu without a sore throat. It's not just feeling tired. It's an absolute floodgate, both physically and mentally, and not ideal conditions for doing math homework, tidying up the bedroom, or answering your parents' questions about the day. You may not be able to do the things you normally do. By recognizing and believing this, we can help her daughter travel the world and give her space to recover when she is exhausted.
Our job as parents is not to make our daughters look like others. We are glad that our daughter has shown us another way for people to experience God's creation. God is the creator of differences. That's what makes fruit salads delicious, forests attractive, and children unique. How wonderful that because humans have different perceptions of the world, we also have different ways of seeing and evaluating God's creation.
Many parenting books made us feel alone and misunderstood until we realized that our families are different and that there is also a community of people with different families. There are engaging books, online groups, community groups, podcasts, videos, and more. Still, there is room in this field for more resources from a Christian perspective based on biblical truth, and I am writing the book to join this conversation.
This year, as a fellow in the Episcopal Deacon Ministry, I am working to turn my research and experiences into a book for parents of neurodivergent children. My book will be Biblically based and include a variety of experiences and insights from neurodivergent Christian people, parents of neurodivergent children, and Christian therapists who work with neurodivergent children. My prayer is that this book will inform, give hope, provide insight, encourage prayerful reflection, and ultimately help families embrace differences for the benefit of their families and the glory of God. That's it. Would you like to continue this journey? Then visit my website “An Extraordinary Normal”.
*Following many current recommendations by Australian organizations run by autistic people, I use person-first language when referring to autism ('autistic people'). I did.
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