I I knew I was in trouble the day my preschooler came home smelling of wood smoke and told me he was practicing his “knife skills.” I realized I had crossed the Rubicon when his twin brother requested a saw for his second birthday. I happened to be a Viking mother. it was not supposed to be like this. I moved to Denmark from London on a whim and had no children, but even though I only intended to stay for a year, I'm still here 10 years later and have three children. So I have skin in the Viking game. And Scandinavian kids do things differently. They eat, learn, play, dress, and even sleep differently, and babies are forced to nap outside in subzero temperatures in strollers. They sing, they fight, they climb, they fall, and they rise again. They are out in nature for many hours a day, even when the weather is bad (the story of Mordor runs from October to March).
Nordics are rarely seen as happy-go-lucky people, preferring “planned fun” to spontaneity. And yet…the Nordic countries are the happiest countries in the world in terms of happiness, education and equality, consistently ranking high in UNICEF's rankings. Some aspects of their parenting can be applied anywhere, while others serve as inspiration. So here are some things I learned about raising Vikings.
1. Play every day, in every way.
The game was so popular in the Nordic countries that they even gave it their name twice. The verb form of “play” in Danish, Finnish, Swedish, Icelandic, and Norwegian refers to activities that are particularly fun, unstructured, and intrinsically motivated. However, if you play sports, board games, or play an instrument, spill In Danish and Norwegian, Spera in Swedish, spira Icelandic and Perata In Finnish. Professor Ellen Beate Hansen Sandsetter of Norway's Queen Maud University says: “Studies that followed children from birth showed that it was children who had never climbed a tree who had never climbed a tree before, rather than those who climbed trees or fell and broke their legs, who had a fear of heights. ” Play fights are another important part of a child's development, teaching cooperation, self-confidence, and good judgment. “Sometimes you have to let your kids fight,” one Danish mother told me. They need to “take the conflict and see if we can resolve it and get to the peace table.” Scary in the short term, but helpful in the long term (that's what I've been told).
2. Teach children how to think, not what to think.
Vikings do not go to school until they are 6 years old (7 years old in Finland). They get used to shorter days, no grades, no tests, and no homework until about age 11. Sabira Ebou Alwani, from the University of Cambridge's School of Education, thinks this is a good thing. It erodes quality time from a developmental perspective. ” The Danish system is based on interest-based instruction, and “you are taught to think, not just to pass exams,” says teacher Louise Lingard. Children learn to stand up for themselves, public speaking becomes part of the school routine from the age of six, and reading begins later, around the age of eight. By age 15, the Nordic countries rank higher than her OECD average, with Finland ahead of the UK and the US overall. The lesson here is to allow children to develop their own interests and read at their own pace, regardless of the different schooling systems. Research shows that putting pressure on children to read too quickly can create stress and make it easier for later readers to catch up with and even surpass early readers.
3. There is no such thing as bad weather.
Scandinavians of all nationalities have variations of this mantra: spending time outdoors improves cooperation, reduces stress, improves concentration, and evens out the gap between low-achieving and high-achieving children. Research shows that Despite this, three quarters of children in the UK spend less time outdoors than prison inmates. In Norway, Frill Futsurib – or “free air life” – is akin to a secular religion, and many Swedes attend Saturday “nature school.” From an early age, Scandinavians develop what Stanford University social psychologist Kari Leibowitz calls a “positive winter mindset.” Learning how to dress for the role is key. “In many parts of the world, people still go out in regular clothes, even when it's cold, and you wonder why they're uncomfortable,” Leibovitz says. My children now own winter clothing, rain suits, “windsuits”, balaclavas, winter underwear, gloves, waterproof mitten “shells”, snow boots, and rain boots. Wear more winter-appropriate clothing and cultivate a positive mindset. Remember, it's not the weather that's bad, it's just the wrong clothes.
4. You don't have to put all your photos in the fridge.
While many cultures embrace the idea that constant praise enhances the development of self-esteem (“Who's my smart boy! That's the best poop ever!”), Danes do not. Vikings believe that too much praise inflates the ego and reduces one's sense of self. This instills the idea that everyone is valuable just for that reason. “When children say, 'Look at this!' it's their way of asking for our attention,” says Danish family therapist Sophie Münster. “They don't really seek praise. Therefore, it is better to teach them to evaluate things themselves, otherwise they will spend their lives seeking recognition from outside.” A friend said: I thought they loved me. It wasn't based on accomplishments, it was taken for granted. ” Instead of admiration, Danes are interested and ask, “How did you do that?” or “Tell me more.” “This shows children that we care about them, not their 'results,'” Munster says. Not only will you receive less positive praise, but you will also tend to receive fewer negative reviews. When young children discover autonomy in English-speaking countries, they are categorized as “terrible girlfriends.” However, in Danish, this is known as the “Boundary Era” because pushing boundaries is not “terrible” but normal.
5. Singing together is good for society
Danes love to sing, and many schools still sing in groups every morning. This has been shown to release the bonding hormone oxytocin, which reduces stress, and the synchronicity of breathing together creates a sense of connection. Researchers at Aarhus University have found that singing strengthens community and social cohesion. During the pandemic, Danish choirmaster Philip Faber led daily singalongs on the Danish version of the BBC to boost morale. “Many people confuse 'group singing' with 'beautiful-sounding choir,'” says Faber. “But what's important is the experience, not the result. Everything is 'me, me' world, and singing together is like a starry sky. You feel small and insignificant, but at the same time you feel like you belong and not alone. It's the best feeling in the world. ” Disappearing into collective singing is the perfect communal pursuit for the country that brought us the Law of Jeante. Jante's Laws are a set of attitudes said to govern life in Denmark, where everyone is equal and showing off is frowned upon. It doesn't have to sound good. You just have to feel good.
6. Family meals are sacred.
The idea of sitting down to eat as a family is highly valued in Nordic society. Even CEOs are allowed to say in a 4pm meeting, “I have to leave now to pick up my kids.” Then I go home and have dinner with my family. Most Danish homes center around the dining table, with the express purpose of prioritizing family mealtime. No matter where you live, there are great benefits to targeting a homemade meal once a week to reconnect with your family. You'll get even better at cooking from scratch, but keep in mind that it's less about what you eat for dinner and more about who you eat it with.
7. Accept that families come in many forms.
Although Denmark has 37 different types of family units, Sweden, Norway and Iceland have more births outside of marriage than within marriage, with 67% of Icelandic babies born out of wedlock. In the US and UK, this type of family structure is associated with poorer economic conditions and can be stigmatized, but in the Nordic countries it is accepted. Former Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin was raised by two women, while Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen rose to power as a single mother of two. No matter how families are formed, it is widely accepted that each family is different but equal in its strengths and weaknesses, and children learn this from an early age…Our Family is the same as
How to Raise a Viking – The Secret to Raising the World’s Happiest Children Written by Helen Russell (4th Estate£16.99) or £14.95 from guardianbookshop.com
