Ever since my child could walk, he has always wanted to be as close to us as humanly possible. Every time we wake up, we are at home. In fact, even as I write this, my boyfriend's 5-year-old son is home from school having an “asynchronous learning day,” and he's sitting on my back reading over my shoulder, asks if she is talking about her son. “Hello, Jack!”
Apparently, this is the peak of the “Living Room Family” and actually a sign of something good, at least according to this viral Instagram post made by mom and influencer Magdalena.
Magdalena shared a sweet video of her entire family, dog included, piled on the couch with emotional music playing, and in the caption shared what she's learned from the parenting side of the internet. Calm down and think.
“I read somewhere the other day about 'living room' families and 'bedroom' families. The idea is that families that spend most of their time together in the communal living spaces of their homes will have a sense of safety, peace and security for everyone. You do it because you feel comfortable, and you fully accepted to do it,” she began.
“It gave us a completely different perspective on how our children always wanted to be where we were, whether it was cuddling on the couch, chatting in the kitchen, or folding laundry together.”
She then shared an anecdote from her past and talked about how her family definitely gravitated towards a “bedroom family” as they grew up.
“I remember very well that my family was a 'living room family' when I was little, but that quickly changed as I got older. This is something Cal and I always talk about. We want to foster relationships and home environments where children feel accepted and safe to be who they are, rather than feeling like they're walking on eggshells all the time. is in a common space,” she said.
I'm not sure if it's because people are inspired by her idea that “living room families” are better and their current family relationships aren't like that, or if they just don't agree, but people who joined in the comments said a few words.
“I had a great childhood in a bedroom family, and I'm still a bedroom family as an adult. I think this is a very strange interpretation of 'good family/childhood.'” one person commented. Magdalena answered kindly. That's the thing about theories you come across on the internet, they are definitely not the absolute truth, and they don't apply or resonate with everyone. Context certainly matters. I'm definitely not saying that everyone who is an introvert and prefers to be alone or has children who love to play in their room has a terrible childhood or environment. ”
Some people laughed at Magdalena's post and said it was because her children were not yet teenagers.
“Hahaha, these kids haven't hit puberty yet. Until then, they love being close to their parents, and then they lock themselves in their rooms. “We were a living room family,” he said. Nothing you say will encourage them to come back downstairs. You're lucky if they're home for family dinner. I'm tired of kids promoting parenting and imposing “perfection” on their children. This is what I do and you should do it too. ”
To this, another pro-Living Room Family commenter responded: I went through a phase where no one wanted to eat with me, but I kept offering. Now my eldest son scolds his younger brother for talking on the phone at the dinner table. And we have game nights and watch documentaries together. They need their own space in adolescence, but they also want to be seen. ”
Another commenter interpreted the teenager theory a little more kindly. “We've been a living room family since we have young children. Now most of our children are teenagers and want to have their own space, so they spend most of their time in their rooms. It's not because they don't feel safe anymore, and that feels wrong to say here. Not everyone in the “bedroom family” feels unsafe in their home. Most of the time, it's just kids growing up and wanting their own space and independence,” she said.
Magdalena was also quick to point out that there are of course caveats to not having a “living room family,” and not just because the kids don't feel safe in a shared space. In some cases, it may have to do with different personality types, such as introversion and extroversion, or other considerations, such as neurodivergentness or different needs.
“Of course, it's perfectly normal developmentally for children to want more space as they grow. Of course, some introverts prefer to be alone. Of course, no matter how you raise your child, “You can't 100% control how you want to spend your time when they get older, and you can add all the other contexts and variables to this,” she said. “From my own experience, and if you read the comments of many others who felt the same way, I personally didn't want to be around because of the environment, so I always stayed in my room or stayed at home. That's what I want my kids to change, to make sure they feel comfortable and accepted around us at home. What our children do from there is not something we can control, we can largely control their environment.”
Finally, there was one comment that hit the mark anyway. “People are pretty intent on invalidating the space you're in. No amount of rational, thoughtful conversation can prevent that from happening. Whether you experience it or not, it will forever impact how your children view home and family.”
Were you a “living room family”, a “bedroom family”, or a “kitchen family”? How do you think this influenced your childhood development?
