Travis Barker and Kourtney Kardashian's steamy romance has been making headlines for years, usually for their very public PDA. But recently, the Barkers' marriage to the Kardashians has been in the news for a different reason. Shana Moakler, Travis' ex-girlfriend and mother of his two children, has decided to shed new light on her couple by not holding anything back about her feelings or their intimate relationship. . Details of a marriage that ended in the late 2000s.
As divorce and co-parenting experts, it is rare to find a co-parenting relationship where one or both parents have not yet had angry outbursts after the divorce. There's nothing wrong with feeling angry at someone who has hurt, betrayed, or turned your world upside down.
But the reality is that there are many problems with projecting these feelings onto your child and putting them out into the world where your child is bound to hear them. After all, even if you no longer call that person a spouse or partner, your child can still call that person a parent.
in dumb blonde On her podcast, Moakler recently opened up about her feelings for Barker and her relationship with the Kardashians, claiming that Barker has caused a rift between her and her children. Now, let's call a spade a spade. No one enjoys watching their ex move on to a happy new relationship. Several That's a certain kind of resentment, and maybe even more so when it's a super famous celebrity who loves to flirt in public.
Of course, we don't know all the facts about someone's situation. But if we're going to talk about the obvious, no matter how angry you are at your ex-husband's newfound happiness, no matter how much he hears you repeatedly bash the other parent, your children We cannot ignore the fact that we will never benefit from it.
It's literally science. Children of any age who are exposed to constant conflict between their parents are at risk for high Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) scores. These are traumatic events that occur from childhood to age 17. These events ultimately have a negative impact on health, well-being, and difficulties with relationships and daily living. The higher the score, the worse the effect. Its influence does not diminish even when the child becomes an adult.
“While a parent's goal is often to hurt the other parent, children are often the main people affected by badmouthing or discrediting the other parent,” says an early childhood expert. says therapist Evelyn Mendal, LMHC. “Children are put in a position where they feel they have to choose 'side' and loyalty because one parent clearly mistrusts the other, making them the 'bad one.' It often happens.”
It can become a vicious cycle. “Children can begin to feel guilty, stressed, and anxious when they are with the abusive parent, or even when they are with the other parent. “They often feel like they are betraying the other parent,” Mendal added. . “Instances of severe and persistent name-calling can lead to parental alienation, with the perpetrator parent deliberately seeking to sabotage the child's relationship with the other parent.”
If you're in a co-parenting relationship and your ex-husband is constantly talking bad about you to the kids, we have bad news for you. This behavior is difficult to control. Good news? You can overcome this behavior and protect your relationship with your children.
stay consistent
Parents often try to one-up each other after a breakup in order to win their child's affection. If you're worried about what your ex is saying about you to the kids, that's no reason to throw your rules out the window and compete with your ex by giving the kids whatever they want. not. Children thrive despite boundaries. Continue to be the parent you always have been and remain consistent. Usually, all a child needs to thrive is one stable caregiver.
Trust your relationship with your children
If your children are experiencing a life of love, support, and care in front of you, even though your ex is constantly hitting on you to them, you should Trust in the fact that the safe space you provide will protect your relationship.
Don't throw gasoline into the fire
If your child shares something negative the other parent has said about you, this is not a recommendation to immediately hit them back. Instead, consider incorporating critical thinking skills into the conversation by asking your child to dig deeper into what they hear.
For example, “Hmm, daddy said mommy was a bad mother. What do you think makes a bad mother? What does it take to be a good mother?” They learn to reflect and develop their own beliefs independently of the other parent.
Sharing a child with someone you are no longer in a relationship with is difficult. That can't be denied. But the truth is, as adults, after a breakup, we get a chance to start over and start fresh. But your children can't redo their childhood. As long as you are dedicated to putting your child's best interests first, you can absolutely give them a divorce (or any kind of separation) experience they can be proud of one day.
