When this wife and mother finds her husband's behavior toward her 5-year-old strange, she asks Reddit:
“Am I wrong in thinking that my husband is being unnecessarily controlling after the apple-related incident?”
My husband (45m) and I (35m) have a 5 year old daughter. She might say the exact opposite. We discipline when necessary (corner, time out, sent to the room) but well, does she have an attitude. But we have a happy family and she is moving on with her life and growing.
This morning, my 5-year-old asked us to cut up an apple. She reaches for the green apple because her husband says he will. She said the five-year-old said, “Wait, can I have a red apple?” Her husband said, “I'll cut up some green vegetables because they're so cute.” She begged for red again at 5 years old and when her husband said “no” again, she started crying.
I asked my husband why we shouldn't cut red meat. Is that sweeter? He said green because he has three and red because he has two…I…really?
He's saying at this point, “I can't give her a red because she's having a meltdown, I'm not going to do that.” Koutou to her! ” I’m like, “That’s just an apple!” And she asked well!! Why is it so important to you to have an even number of green/red apples? Go to the store almost every other day! ”
He leaves angrily and goes to take a shower. This poor girlfriend 5-year-old gets told “no” so often that her stupid apple preference is a cakewalk for her. Since he prefers green, why not let him have red? Am I wrong that he feels unnecessarily dominated? What will this do to our 5 year old daughter?
Let's see what our readers have to say. They had different ideas about raising children. Let's take a look!
instacarmareeper wrote:
When children are young, they seek autonomy, so it's important to give them as much autonomy as possible. When my daughter was 3 years old, she attended a Montessori kindergarten.
Teachers told us parents to always give our children nonconsequential options (red or green apples, pink or purple socks) to resolve tantrums.
You can't wear a swimsuit in a snowstorm, but you can choose which mittens to wear. Don't say no to important things and give them as much choice as possible.
You should talk to your husband. He is unnecessarily asserting his authority over her and will continue to fight with her over things that don't matter until he completely breaks her spirit or she rebels completely.
At this rate, she will never respect him. She would resent the hardliner as she grew older, which would sour their relationship.
Beamdog 77 writes:
What a way to teach your daughter that she isn't even given physical autonomy over what kind of apple she eats. She will say no to her sexual encounters that she doesn't want and will really help her learn to be herself and advocate for herself.
Frankly, this is no exaggeration. The lesson here is that red apples are available, but the decision maker is someone else and your daughter has to dip or be hungry. That lesson, if taught repeatedly, will have a devastating impact on how she responds to peer pressure during her childhood.
This is much more serious than apples. That's also why she says “quite the opposite…” She is a person who has absolutely no control over her own life, she can't even control what she eats, so she tries desperately to control everything she can.
If you stop treating her like this, she will stop objecting. Just because she's 5 doesn't mean she doesn't want to be in control of her food like we do as adults. What on earth is your husband doing wrong?
Wholereward7036 writes:
Your husband does not treat his daughter as a human being with her own thoughts and feelings. If your daughter is frequently treated that way in your home, I'd be willing to bet you've found the origin of her daughter's attitude.
Green apples are very bitter to many people. It was developed as a cooking apple. It's insane to try to force her to eat them and label her as “perverse” for having reasonable tastes. Your husband can't take care of himself.
Your husband is bullying your child. Your husband should attend parenting classes as soon as possible (she is old enough to remember this treatment and it will absolutely be reflected in your relationship with both of you as she grows up) ), or you need to leave him.
accordingwest8 wrote:
National Tax Agency. And the reason you think he's in control is because…he's in control. What about having a madcap fight with a 4-year-old over an apple? Use that BS to advance the F outta here.
He's empowering your child and creating an “because I said so” vibe. This is really harmful to children. You're telling your child that you, and by extension, others, have a bigger say in what he or she wants than you do.
Destroying my 5-year-old daughter's autonomy and spirit beyond being a nuisance would turn her into a people-pleasing, low-down abuse victim.
This is no small problem. This attitude will affect your daughter's future development, and is already being affected. She will now have to choose between her two, as she may be angry with her daddy.
Oh my god, your husband is wrong. Why didn't I see the huge red flags waving around this “man” before I brought my child into this world?
Understand yourself. This is a very toxic situation for her daughter and it will seriously affect her if she doesn't nip this crap in the bud.
contentchem is written as follows.
What are the chances that your husband has OCD? I don't think he has it under control. Especially since he will be parting with his favorite apple.
Does he have a lot of need to have things his way? Is there a spot just for him? Is the apple the only thing he needs to consume at the same rate? Perhaps he has already touched the apple? Does he double-check things often? A large hand wash basin?
Although many people think of OCD as a proper abnormal disorder, people usually have a concept of how things should be that they can never break free from.
tnjdude wrote:
If he has a habit of doing this, then yes, he may not be very in control. If it's simply a he's an Apple problem, do we really need to extend it to a Reddit problem?I'm sure some people are already calling for a divorce. I didn't check it, so I'll scroll down…
OK, I'm not directly asking for a divorce, but according to reddit, if your husband doesn't cut the red apple, he's abusing his kids, being a terrible father, already hated by one, and completely disgusting. He'll make it easier for your husband. The potential for children to be sexually abused (which is a pretty impressive range even by Reddit standards) is reason enough to look into domestic violence resources (amazing!)
And I'm going to get flak from people who feel like I'm a terrible person for not recognizing how abusive and horrible your husband is. lol! In any case, is your husband exhibiting symptoms of OCD?
Or have I pushed myself into a corner, unable to set a precedent for succumbing to tantrums even when justified? In hindsight, he should have cut up the red apples (green apples are only good for baking, unless they're Red Delicious apples, in which case he shouldn't have brought those damn apples into the house. They're both terrible people.)
But hindsight is always 20/20. If you have a happy family, this problem is probably just one of the growing pains your family experiences.
chronopage9 wrote:
I'm going to encourage you to keep an eye on… both They are thought to be neurodivergent and possibly autistic.
This… sounds like an argument that's about to happen between my kids and me. I fight on my own, but since I'm a (supposedly) autistic adult, I sometimes get stuck with things like this. My children have been diagnosed with autism.
What's probably going on, he thinks, is this: right What you need to do is to evenly distribute the apples by color. It makes sense to him.
Your daughter probably thinks it's an apple. should get red.Or is the red apple better, because it's better? Authentic. Or maybe you had a bad experience with green apples, so now you only want red apples.
It's easy to say “he's an adult and she's a child”, and that's true…but if he's autistic, it's have To understand the meaning.if he doesn't know He is autistic and the world is a frustrating and angry place over which he tries to exert as much control as he can.
Knowing that you are autistic allows you to “suppress” your uniqueness. You will be able to recognize your own “habits” and better “understand” the world.
If you're dating a neurodivergent person, or raising a neurodivergent person, you're likely to find yourself mediating arguments between the two of you that are completely incomprehensible (to you).
This is my experience and cannot be applied to anyone, especially after one interaction. Also, I am not a medical health expert. That being said, this scenario definitely raised some red flags in my mind.
capable40 writes:
Yes, you are wrong! Children today are spoiled for this very reason. You are allowing them to get whatever they want by throwing a tantrum. That's what your husband is flatteringly talking about to his girlfriend's daughter.
Maybe you think it's wrong because your parents have adapted you. It just proves you're a spoiled brat. What's more, you're having this argument with her husband right in front of her.
Children are very smart and know how to manipulate their parents to get what they want. If you don't teach your children which boundaries to respect, they won't respect any boundaries. You need to respect her husband and support his decisions.
You need to apologize to him and clearly convey to your daughter that she should respect and be obedient to her elders. I know that sounds old-fashioned, but frankly I don't really care.
All you have to do is look at the situation in the world around you and understand the complete selfishness of our society. And I speak from a wealth of experience. The bottom line is that it all starts with children and families.
You need to teach her humility, not entitlement. She already said she has her attitude, right? Guess where she got it from?
So what is the OP doing wrong here? Is she right to question her husband's parenting, or is this an overreaction?
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