Dear Amy: A little over two years ago, I made a comment to my daughter-in-law that I thought she was being too hard on my 8-year-old granddaughter over what I thought was a small thing.
We discussed the point, but she hasn't spoken to me or my wife since. Our son doesn't want anything to do with it.
I would love to make amends and move on and believe I can do it in one session to clear the air, but she continues to remain silent and refuse to even acknowledge our existence. Considering this, I don't know what to do. Unfortunately, there are no mutual friends or neighbors who can intervene and get the ball rolling.
Do you have any suggestions?
– Frustrated grandfather
Dear Frustrated Grandpa: Grandparents often enjoy a relaxed perspective on their children, hard-won through years of experience. But you also need to understand that unless you live with this child, you don't necessarily have all the information to determine whether the parenting issue is truly trivial.
I don't see why anyone else should intervene when you can simply express your desire to ignore this matter by letter or email.
We recommend keeping your message simple and expressing your sincere regret that what you said caused this rift, and your desire to make amends and move on.
You may also add that you recognize that your intervention was unwelcome and perhaps ill-timed, but that your intentions were heartfelt. Feel that your family is incomplete without contact with her.
Encourage her to express her feelings and assure her that your goal is to repair the relationship for everyone's benefit.
This situation is very unfortunate. You want to repair the relationship, but she may be disinterested in the relationship, so it's you who needs to put in the effort.
Dear Amy: I'm an art historian and have been out of graduate school for about five years now.
I am currently pursuing a Ph.D. I also work as a teacher and am often invited to give presentations and panel discussions at academic conferences.
My problem is that my boyfriend wants to go to my first meeting with me to “cheer me on.”
This makes me feel uncomfortable. To be honest, I worked pretty hard on my preparations and found myself feeling nervous about every task. I can't imagine having a boyfriend there would be even more distracting.
He takes this as personal, but I don't know how to explain to him that it's not personal. I just don't want to do it.
What's your advice?
– Nervous
For those who are nervous: Adults will not accompany you on your business trip. With rare exceptions, it is considered unprofessional to bring a “plus one”.
Your own instincts will clearly tell you why. If I have a morning presentation, I often spend the night before sitting on my bed in the guest quarters suite making a mainline of fruit roll-ups or loading up my PowerPoint.
The post-presentation period should be spent receiving praise and networking with experts in your field.
This can certainly be nerve-wracking, and any “cheer-up” from your partner will have to be done remotely.
Once you've prepared, you can look forward to some great events and conferences in the future that your partners can attend, but for now it's important to focus on your work and show that you're serious about your studies. is. And professionalism.
Dear Amy: “Superstitious” was wondering how to get rid of a wedding ring that had bad juju on it.
There is a wonderful story about jewelry.
One person gave me a very unusual necklace, but that relationship eventually ended.
I took out the necklace and put it in a small jewelry bag. I then threw the bag out the car window in an area of ​​town where I knew someone would find it.
Fast forward a year or so later. Our newspaper published mugshots of those arrested, and one woman was wearing the exact same unique necklace in her arrest photo.
It's so nice to know that someone found it and wanted it.
– interesting
dear fun: Many people have responded to me about what to do with jewelry that seems to have “bad juju.”
Yours is my favorite.
You want to know that the juju on your necklace continues to work its magic. That's powerful stuff.
Email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on her Facebook.
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