- I'm an American living in France, and I've noticed quite a difference in the way people raise their children.
- I chose to raise my children in much the same way I did when I was growing up in America.
- But just because I was raised differently than the French doesn't mean I think I know best.
There are many things about raising children in France that my American soul will never understand. When my son was born three years ago, there were some traditions I thought about incorporating, but ultimately I decided to stick with the traditions I grew up with in America.
Parenting and cultural traditions differ around the world, but since moving to France, I've noticed the differences between French and American traditions, especially now that I'm a mother. I want to say here that my observations and decisions regarding my own parenting do not mean that I think French people are bad parents. I decided to do things a little differently. Here I would like to share with you some of the differences I have noticed between raising children in France and America, and why I raise my children the way I am used to.
French parents often take their children on a night out
Over the past three years, as a new mom looking to make new friends for myself and my son, I've had many conversations with French moms. Most parents here seem to agree that it's important for children to adjust to adult life, not the other way around.
There are definitely some good points to this. For example, mothers are less likely to be immersed in motherhood, and children are more exposed to new people and places. I realize there are good points, but like other parents here, I would rather stay home with my son or find a sitter and stay home with him than leave him on a night out. I like things. It will be a safe environment for him, but I prefer not having to watch him while I go out and have fun because I feel secure knowing he's following a routine.
I love the French way of greeting people, but I won't let my son participate.
One thing I appreciated before becoming a mother in France is how French people greet each other. This is called “la bise” and depending on where you live in France, the greeting may include a kiss on the cheek two to four times. Although I appreciate this tradition as an adult, I do not force my son to greet others this way.
French people often find it rude when a child doesn't want to receive or give “la bise”. I understand that this is how they have traditionally greeted people, but I still tell my son that if he doesn't want to interact with someone that way, he doesn't have to. I understand that it's a traditional French form of respect, but I want him to feel like he has bodily autonomy and that he can't kiss someone when he's not feeling well. We also want them to know that choosing not to hug them is no less respectful. That is, as long as he shows respect in other ways.
French children often stop using strollers at an early age
Now that my son is almost 4 years old, I've noticed that other 3 year olds and even 2 year olds are no longer using strollers. Young children in France often ride around on scooters or small bicycles without pedals. I don't know if the family needed to use a stroller because of their new baby, or if they just got tired of traveling around Paris in a stroller, but here's how to get kids to use a stroller early. Looks like I've given up.
Either way, it's fascinating to see so many kids riding scooters and small bikes so far ahead of their parents. I often take my son to nursery school on a tricycle, but I'm too scared to keep my distance, so I always ride alongside him. He's almost 4 years old, but I still carry a stroller with me because he's at school and is often tired at the end of the day. I don't have a car, so a stroller is convenient and makes it easy to load groceries. The stroller does the heavy lifting for me.
My parenting choices aren't necessarily good, they're just my choices
I don't think I understand everything in the field of parenting. I have a lot of French parents around me who disagree with the way I do things, but I've come to accept that it's okay to be different.
Some of my friends may take it personally that I no longer go out every weekend, or may not understand why it's important to me to consider my son's nap time, but I I cherish the days and nights I spend with my son. The time I spent with him when I was young won't last forever. And even though everyone says they ditched the stroller at 3 o'clock, I left my car behind in America, so I essentially feel a sense of security in having a small car.
Living abroad is full of challenges and moments that challenge your decisions. As a parent, I have come to realize that I don't have to adapt to different traditions in raising my son and that the most important thing is that we all do what is best for our family.
