Since my son-in-law coordinated my “single trip,” is it appropriate to tell him how hurt I am, or have I learned a painful lesson?
Deception: Your intentions were good, but the big mistake you made was sharing your marital problems with your husband's son. It's one thing to share your concerns about your son's stress and possible depression, but it's hard to leave the very personal relationship issues between parents to a child (no matter how old they are). . This knowledge can polarize their loyalties. Or, in your case, it may encourage the son to align with and support his father. So were you baffled when the son chose to take his girlfriend's father to a blast in Vegas rather than a stress-relieving yoga retreat in the woods? It was unrealistic to expect a different outcome.
Your husband is unhappy. He doesn't treat you and your son well. His problems have come home and you and he should go to marriage counseling right away. Couples counseling won't necessarily repair the relationship, but it will facilitate communication and create a pathway for different behaviors. Also, in some cases, counseling sessions may reveal issues that cannot be resolved and the couple decides to separate.
My gut feeling is that your husband is thinking about ending the marriage. He is trying to force the issue by treating you badly. This is a sneaky but common way to shift misfortune onto family members.
Dear Amy: I am a full-time housewife with a 9-year-old daughter. She's, well, great. She is generally well behaved and as an only child we try to give her lots of experience with other children. Our house has a cool “attic'' with a low, sloping ceiling. We set it up as a play space and also store suitcases and extra bedding.
Last week, I invited “Sophie” for a playdate on Saturday. We prepared a playroom with craft supplies and snacks. The two girls were there for most of the afternoon and seemed to have a good time. When I took Sophie home and went into her room, it was a mess. Suitcases were opened, bedding and food strewn everywhere. I was completely shocked. This is absolutely not the way our daughter treats us at home.
Now I don't know if I should call Sophie's mother and let her know how destructive her daughter has been, or if I want to welcome this child back home. What's your advice?
Frustrated: Never leave two 9-year-olds alone in a room full of temptations for more than a few hours. Because kids end up imagining, colluding, and creating their own worlds filled with scattered bedding, snacks, and general mayhem. One child does not play like this. Two children do. They exchange ideas and come up with a story about being orphaned on a camping trip, but things can take a turn.
My first piece of advice is to keep snacks out of the playroom. This way, you can turn your head from time to time and invite them into the kitchen for a play break. This allows you to see what they're up to, marvel at their work, or course-correct.
While “Sophie” may have been the catalyst for this destruction, it could very well have started with your child trying to push the boundaries of good behavior (and perhaps showing off). there is. Your daughter should clean up after herself, but that's part of the host's responsibility.
Dear Amy: “I'm stressed out'' was a divorced mother who didn't like it when her ex-husband showed up to games and school events on “her'' custody days. Thank you for your reply, but I would like to add one caveat. The children were not divorced, their parents were divorced.
reader: Every divorced parent should have this piece of wisdom posted on their refrigerator. thank you!
© 2024 Written by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.
