My husband insists that this is what happens with small children. His work hours vary from week to week, but my work hours are stable. So while he does his part on the light weeks, I cover his heavy weeks a bit and he needs time to rest as well. And there's a lot of clutter piling up, not just outgrown children's clothes and toys that need to be sorted out and donated, but also things that were boxed up when we moved and now have to mostly get rid of. I'm the one who cares.
I'm planning to move again next year and would like to get as much done as possible before then, but I don't feel motivated after a long day. Should I wait until my child is a little older?
— Exhausted parents of young children
Exhausted parents of young children: I've said it before, but if every co-parent feels like they're doing 100% of the work on their own, that seems about right.
I found life with small children to be completely exhausting. Not everyone has such an experience, but I think those who have can argue that it's completely normal.
I've also found that tasks that I can't face but can't put off forever become (more) doable when I break them down into short, scheduled intervals each day. For example, tidy up for 15 minutes a day and take two days off each week for good behavior.
· What struck me in your note was that “I'm the one who cares'' about things like sorting and donating. That may be true, but that doesn't make it any less of a household job. So unless your husband has taken on a similar job, this is not necessarily a problem that will be resolved when the children are older. What worked for my family was creating a list of all our tasks based on the frequency and amount of work that needed to be done. Then split them.
· Does he give you time off for yourself during a “normal” week? Plan some personal time to recharge yourself. It will gradually get better, but until then, self-care is necessary. Don't become a complete martyr.
· Make an appointment with your doctor for a thorough examination. Get your thyroid checked. Make sure the doctor runs a full panel, not just her TSH. Also check your ferritin levels. Low iron can not only result in low B12 levels, but can also affect your energy levels. Check them all out.
· You are not crazy. Fatigue is real. When I was in that phase, I would set a timer for something like 15 minutes for her and try to do as much cleaning as I could, like clearing the table, packing goodwill boxes, preparing snacks, and then get it done. I did. That way I didn't feel like I was forever left with one more thing to do. It gets better.
· Do what you can and then move into acceptance mode. As the years go by, it gets easier in some ways and harder in others. One thing is for sure: things will change.
