The first few years were tough, but my wonderful daughter is now thriving in kindergarten. Her sister's family also moved nearby and my cousin's sleepover gave me the option of staying the night. I can't stop thinking about calling my ex.
Since co-parenting was no longer an option, we were unable to develop anything more than a casual relationship. However, I've rarely met a man I'd want to date, even casually, and as a single mom, I don't have much time for multiple first dates.
My ex-partner was very difficult to recover from. But he's also been my best friend for a long time. What should I do?
Ex file: I say “please contact me,” but only if it includes disclaimers, concerns, and caveats that correspond to a CVS receipt.
- Children first. Assume that you have resolved all other reconciliation-related issues to your satisfaction. Would your wonderful daughter end up with someone in your life who wants nothing to do with her? Weigh this carefully and over long distances. Kindergarten is a little early for giving existential stuff.
- The other extreme: What if he's full of opinions about parenting?
- Issues related to getting back together include whether you still like him, whether he still likes you, whether you still want him, whether he still wants you, and separation. This includes things like, is there some form of being together? Something that makes you feel both very lucky that things are working out the way they are and something that makes you feel very bitter about what you don't have yet.
- Does not include: any form of the word “casual”. You may not get married, live together, or even see each other often (for the next 15 to 20 years), and the feelings you have while not having everything else will likely be strong — That's why you are even thinking about him in the first place and remembering. So don't kid yourself that living at arm's length/dating arrangements involve arm's length feelings.
- Thinking about what-ifs is painful. That's why I can't help but advise you to satisfy your curiosity. (That and being captivated by the love of a very resilient best friend.) But most of the possible outcomes here are painful in exchange. I'm not saying you should kill the idea altogether just because it might be painful. Love and personal growth tend to lead to discomfort. What I'm saying is understand what kind of discomfort you're inviting yourself into and be 100 percent ready for it. plus 10 percent.
- Did he feel the same pain from the breakup as you? Also be aware that if you even suspect that he has done so, you will disturb his peace of mind.
- You've been maintaining “zero direct contact” for seven years. He hasn't called you either. He just puts it out there.
- He's not the same person you loved. You are not the same person he loved. Time, separation, and being a parent change people. And then there's the pandemic. Additionally, we all modify and modify our memories. So I let it all out too.
If and only if everything passes the appearance test, take the leap.
