- More and more parents are adopting gentle parenting methods, but many parents misunderstand them.
- That doesn't mean letting your child do whatever they want and not disciplining them.
- I learned a lot about parenting when I was a teacher. Here's what gentle parenting actually means.
Gentle parenting is a trend that is perhaps especially evident among Millennial and Gen Z parents. This is born out of a deep desire to respect children and their emotions, with the hope of having a long-term positive impact on children's mental health. As a mother and former teacher, one of the things I've realized as this type of parenting has taken hold is that there's a huge misconception about it.
A misconception held by kind parents themselves and their critics is that there is little or no need for discipline, and instead it's all about staying calm and accepting whatever the child chooses. Thing.
I've seen this misunderstood version of “gentle parenting” in action many times. One memorable moment was when my family attended a holiday event hosted by a couple. Mother began reading to us and we gathered in a circle. The couple's toddler wouldn't sit in his chair, ran around in circles, and started acting out in general. The father stood at the back of the room and watched as his wife led the activities and intermittently attempted to ask questions of the child. CalmlyOf course, to stop it.
But he didn't stop and that was it. Everyone present seemed confused and frustrated as they tried to pay attention while the toddler continued to engage in destructive behavior. I was also frustrated, but I could clearly see my parents' good intentions.
Even though it was normal for his age, this was not the time or place for this kind of behavior from a two year old. The father could have easily helped the child sit down, and if the child still wouldn't sit still, the father could have kindly taken the child out of the room rather than accepting that the child would not listen. It could have been done.
Nuanced parenting is parenting between extremes.
This concept of gentle parenting doesn't work for parents or anyone else. But it's no wonder it exists.
I recently saw an Instagram reel listing the various “choices” modern parents are overwhelmed with. At one point, it was written, “You should be disciplined/You should raise your children kindly.''
This captures it. When it comes to raising children and taking on responsibilities, we seem to have two possibilities in mind for her. One is the authoritarian type, where the adult speaks firmly and the child readily follows suit, and the other is the exact opposite, where the child does whatever the child wants. We are good to them and hope for the best.
Whether we're talking about parenting or any other topic, it's easy to think of something as this, or to swing from one extreme to the other. Finding a fine middle ground is much more difficult.
Thanks to your teaching, I was able to find the nuances.
My experience in the classroom has helped me parent in this “in-between” type of way. Good teachers are kind and respectful to children and hold them to behavioral expectations. Sure it's an art, but it's absolutely possible.
Here are some things I learned from teaching. That's what I applied as a parent who believes in gentle parenting.
clarify expectations
All good teachers know the importance of setting behavioral expectations up front, even if it's something as small as “this is how I want you to turn in your paper.” It's not fair to expect anything from anyone else, whether it's a child or anyone else, unless you have communicated those expectations.
This is an important but often overlooked part of effective discipline, communicating (and modeling and practicing) appropriate behavior. We can't just expect our children to know what we want to see. We need to know exactly what we want and communicate it clearly to our children.
Not all wrong actions require punishment, but they do need to be addressed
When it comes to cheating, there's a huge difference between doing nothing and harsh punishment. When kids aren't doing well, you need to let them know, but it's not a big deal. Often this is a simple conversation that reinforces expectations. It's helpful to say something like, “Oh, remember, you need to ______.” It also helps to communicate the “why” of your expectations.
When teaching, clarifying and reinforcing expectations is sufficient for most children. In parenting, not so much. But again, that doesn't mean you have to be strict. It only means that you need to proceed with some intervention.
For very young children, this often looks like a calm but confident physical intervention, such as holding your body (for example, if you are being hit) or removing the child from the situation. Masu. For older ones, logical consequences work best. Parents need to use their best judgment in the moment, but overall, once expectations are set, there needs to be some follow-through.
Strong relationships are the most important foundation
Meaning of the word “discipline” It's similar to “teaching”. Building warm and genuine relationships is the basis of good education and, by extension, good parenting. It is our connections with children that give us the power to influence, teach, and do so. discipline they.
However, a good relationship does not guarantee that unpleasant moments will never occur. A strong relationship with your child means valuing your child for who they are, not their actions. Getting out of that space allows us to be more disciplined effectively, but it sometimes means some uncomfortable interactions. But successful relationships, with a foundation of trust and unconditional love, can withstand the tension and conflict that arises when children don't meet expectations.
The point is, it doesn't have to be either “gentle parenting or discipline.” Because proper, gentle parenting involves discipline and holding children to a certain standard of behavior, being kind and respectful.
It's certainly more difficult than either of the extremes, but it's possible. Once you are able to do that, you will not only be giving gifts to children, but you will also be able to help those watching understand the third way.
