When people with young children plan their vacations, they book direct flights to destinations that don't require as much hectic sightseeing. When Gul Panag goes on vacation with her 6-year-old son, they drive their SUV into the mountains and set up camp among the pine trees. In 2022, the former Miss India, actor and adventure enthusiast went on an eight-day cycling expedition to Ladakh. Nihal, who was four years old at the time, followed her in her car as she drove up a steep hill. The actor, who uses the display name Tiger Kaur on WhatsApp, spoke to Neha Bhayana about his parenting beliefs
Nihal is now 6 years old. Is he still wary of you?
Yes and no. I think that sometimes it gets better and sometimes it gets more difficult as the child grows. I think Nihal's vocalization and clarity have improved. He is also much more open to reasoning than he was as a toddler. Young children tend to be very moody, but we don't know why. In a way, he looks out for me, but he's also a very independent person. I was like that too when I was a kid. I remember clearly…I had my own ecosystem. Playing with friends is great, but when I was somewhere without them, I was perfectly content to entertain myself.
Most children need someone to keep them occupied. How did you encourage your son to be independent early on?
I think some of it is nature and some of it is nurture. There are certain qualities that are a result of what we inherit in our DNA. When I was only 4 or 5 years old, I lived with my grandparents, who are in their 70s, on a farm in Punjab while my parents were in Russia. So for two years, when I came home from school, there was no company, because the farm was a kilometer away from the village. I just played with the dogs, goats, and chickens. I've always been good at entertaining myself, and I think that's either inherent to Nihal or maybe he developed it.
What do you and Nihal like to do when you are together?
I believe that the time you spend with Nihal is more about quality than quantity. There's no point in just sitting next to him and staring at your phone. So the first rule is to leave your phone behind. I try to involve Nihal in everything I do, but I never perform for him. That's how our parents raised us. It doesn't necessarily have to be making puzzles or playing with Legos. He does it with my husband (pilot Rishi Attari). What we do together is something I do as part of my chore list anyway. I ask him if he can help me load the laundry, bathe the dog, or pack my bag. If he is busy playing, he may have to ask twice. Then he stops what he's doing and comes over to me and spends time with me. We chat and do housework together. He asks about things like the spin cycle on the washing machine. I think that's an extremely valuable time because we're working hard and we're doing something productive. I also love traveling with him. We always arrive at the airport early. But when we're there, he doesn't sit with me and say, “Mamma, mamma.” He would be doing his thing, watching airplanes or something within my field of vision. And he can make toys out of anything. we have rules. We never take toys with us when we travel.
This is the opposite of what most parents do….
But then how does a child learn something new from the environment? Like last week when we were in Kazakhstan, he kept “flying” teabags using them as airplanes. On another trip, he picked up a pair of hotel slippers, put his hand inside them and pretended to be on a jet plane. He invents his own entertainment.
Most parents fill their children's schedules with classes and play dates. what is your opinion?
We've all made those mistakes. I think free play is really important. Nihal also reads a lot of books. He has been reading independently for some time. Books have been a big part of his life since we started reading to him when he was one and a half years old, even if it didn't make sense at that age. When he recently went to a cafe-cum-bookstore in Mumbai, Nihal found a book that was relevant to him. It was a collection of Star Wars stories, and he was reading it all the time. He watched Lego Star Wars, a very funny and interesting animated TV show based on the Star Wars universe.
What are your rules when it comes to the big three S’s: screens, sugar, and sleep?
I'm very belligerent. Sugar is not allowed in our house, so Nihal does not include it in his diet. It was a bit of an uphill battle because I had friends and family who pointed out that everyone had consumed sugar at some point in their childhood. But my point is that I have spent my life battling a sugar addiction. When you take a bite of a brownie, you get a hit of dopamine and it's totally addictive and you won't be able to stop. Her husband and I are on the same page on this point, and we have been very particular about it. Since Nihal stopped using powdered milk, she was being fed regular milk without any additives. When she travels she carries a small tetra pack with her so she can easily feed her milk everywhere. When Nihal goes to a party and someone offers him cake, he eats some of it or doesn't, depending on his wishes. I don't keep sugar or sweet foods at home, but I leave it to him when I go out. In fact, some of my cousins secretly fed him sweets. However, just because your child doesn't have a developed taste buds doesn't mean he or she will beg for sweets.
Screen time is limited to long flights and long car drives. When we're not traveling, the only screen he watches with us is the big screen at the movie theater. Delhi now has some great children's cinemas. We try to watch a movie with him at least once a month. But at home we don't watch TV, so neither does he. I think eventually your children will be just like you.
How's your sleep?
My goal is to sleep for 11 hours. Nihal goes to bed by 7.30pm no matter what and wakes up at 6.30am. On weekends and holidays, the closing time may be extended until 8:30 PM, but never later. When someone says their child went to bed at 10 or 11 o'clock, I'm speechless. Sleep is very important for children. Growth hormone is secreted only during deep sleep. Unfortunately, Indian children are the most sleep-deprived children, according to research discussed in Kerry Bajaj's book Sleep Baby Sleep. And the children usually stay up late as they wait for their father to return.
In fact, we are also very strict about the fourth S, seat belts. Nihal has never traveled without a child seat. I don't think most people realize how dangerous it is for a small child to be in a car accident without a seat belt or car seat. Children who are not belted are at greatest risk of death and serious injury.
Are you a strict parent?
I don't know if I'm being strict, but I feel it's important to be disciplined. My mother was very particular. Even now, when I travel and she comes to stay at Nihal's house, his schedule runs like a clock. Lights out is 7:25pm and he wakes up perfectly on time. He is very happy and energetic when we go to school.
Do you have any parenting beliefs that you live by?
I think the best way to teach children is by being a good example. Either way, we are by default our children's first role models, and we should aim to be the best example possible in how we conduct ourselves. I think my strongest habits, including my commitment to fitness, came from my parents. My father was not an overweight man who would sit in a chair and ask me to exercise. He was a healthy man who exercised every day. When I was about 15, he told me to exercise every day. When I resisted, he gave his parental orders. Then it became part of my life, just like it is part of my father's life. Although he is now 75 years old, he still rides his bike every day. He does the same with Nihal and me. He goes cycling and running with me. He has been riding a bicycle without training wheels since before his third birthday. When I went to Ladakh by bike two years ago, he was with me (watching from the car).
We also believe that it is important to remain calm at all times as children are very observant. I'm aware that he's always watching me, so he's aware of how he reacts when someone or something triggers him. I know my son will do what I do, not what I tell him to do.
You are a champion of sustainability and co-founded a company that provides seamless charging for electric vehicles across India. These days, most children come to school by car. Do you think schools should require carpooling and busing?
Schools should do this for three reasons. For one, it's more affordable and more environmentally friendly. Second, it's good for the neighborhood because people who live near schools can't even get in and out of their homes because of traffic jams during school pick-up and drop-off times. Third, I think kids become exposed to a certain sense of elitism when they see someone coming in a certain car. I've heard of cases where kids attending high-end schools wanted to be dropped off a short distance away so no one could see which car they were getting out of. So, aside from sustainability and traffic management, I think uniformity is very important or some will be more equal than others.
Indian parents tend to be obsessed with studies and grades. As a fitness enthusiast, do you think parents should prioritize sports too?
Fitness has certainly been a big part of my life, but it wasn't just about being a great athlete. At the same time, being in the top 2 percent of his class was non-negotiable. It's not one or the other. And it worked out pretty well. I've changed 14 schools for her, including college, master's, and law school, and she's never been in the top 3 in her class (she got her law degree 3 years before her ). Therefore, it is necessary to take root in her desire to excel. When your child reaches class 10, you cannot complain without worrying about his/her grades. You need to instill the desire to excel and hope that then everything will happen naturally. However, that desire is not automatic.
You've talked openly about the difficulty of conceiving. Other celebrities have also not hesitated to reveal that they have had babies through in vitro fertilization, surrogacy, or adoption. However, Amjanta remains very reluctant to discuss infertility issues. They consider it shameful.
Although scientific evidence shows that the causes of infertility are evenly divided between male and female problems, shame is usually always thought to be the woman's fault. associated with facts. Shame often stems from the fact that at some point a man is trying to hide his infertility. Fertility is a heavy weapon against women. I've been very open about the fact that my son is an IVF child. In some cases, couples experience unexplained infertility despite all test results being positive. These things can happen to anyone for a variety of reasons, so why should they be kept secret? I think we, as a society, spend too much time hiding things that are irrelevant in the bigger picture. Having children is all that matters. Kaise hua, kya farak pata hai (Who cares what happened).
Is Nihal as adventurous as you?
he goes camping He does the same thing that we do. For him, it's not a choice. It's part of his life.
Describe motherhood in one word.
It's overwhelming, unappreciated, exhausting, but rewarding at times, albeit in small parts.
WIs the hat the most challenging part?
It's so rewarding when your child occasionally says, “Mommy, it smells like roses,” or “Mommy, I love you.” He's been saying that a lot lately. What's also rewarding is playing with the moms and talking about the good work we're all doing together. we are not alone. I wish more women would talk about how difficult it is to be a mother. It shouldn't be such a big lie that everything will be wonderful and beautiful. It's very challenging. It can be very overwhelming, very exhausting, and you are constantly plagued by a feeling of inadequacy. After all, we all struggle.
Mothers are often reluctant to say they are struggling because they feel they will be judged and considered “bad mothers.”
why? You shouldn't. We should normalize that it is challenging. It's difficult and frustrating. That's why support groups for mothers are so important. We need a mother who says, “We're going to die too.'' This will make you feel less dead. I have a mom friend group. We meet every week. Three of us are working moms. Housewives have unique challenges, and so do working moms. We should make it a habit to talk about the problems we face.
Nihal is now 6 years old. Is he still wary of you?
Yes and no. I think that sometimes it gets better and sometimes it gets more difficult as the child grows. I think Nihal's vocalization and clarity have improved. He is also much more open to reasoning than he was as a toddler. Young children tend to be very moody, but we don't know why. In a way, he looks out for me, but he's also a very independent person. I was like that too when I was a kid. I remember clearly…I had my own ecosystem. Playing with friends is great, but when I was somewhere without them, I was perfectly content to entertain myself.
Most children need someone to keep them occupied. How did you encourage your son to be independent early on?
I think some of it is nature and some of it is nurture. There are certain qualities that are a result of what we inherit in our DNA. When I was only 4 or 5 years old, I lived with my grandparents, who are in their 70s, on a farm in Punjab while my parents were in Russia. So for two years, when I came home from school, there was no company, because the farm was a kilometer away from the village. I just played with the dogs, goats, and chickens. I've always been good at entertaining myself, and I think that's either inherent to Nihal or maybe he developed it.
What do you and Nihal like to do when you are together?
I believe that the time you spend with Nihal is more about quality than quantity. There's no point in just sitting next to him and staring at your phone. So the first rule is to leave your phone behind. I try to involve Nihal in everything I do, but I never perform for him. That's how our parents raised us. It doesn't necessarily have to be making puzzles or playing with Legos. He does it with my husband (pilot Rishi Attari). What we do together is something I do as part of my chore list anyway. I ask him if he can help me load the laundry, bathe the dog, or pack my bag. If he is busy playing, he may have to ask twice. Then he stops what he's doing and comes over to me and spends time with me. We chat and do housework together. He asks about things like the spin cycle on the washing machine. I think that's an extremely valuable time because we're working hard and we're doing something productive. I also love traveling with him. We always arrive at the airport early. But when we're there, he doesn't sit with me and say, “Mamma, mamma.” He would be doing his thing, watching airplanes or something within my field of vision. And he can make toys out of anything. we have rules. We never take toys with us when we travel.
This is the opposite of what most parents do….
But then how does a child learn something new from the environment? Like last week when we were in Kazakhstan, he kept “flying” teabags using them as airplanes. On another trip, he picked up a pair of hotel slippers, put his hand inside them and pretended to be on a jet plane. He invents his own entertainment.
Most parents fill their children's schedules with classes and play dates. what is your opinion?
Expanding
What are your rules when it comes to the big three S’s: screens, sugar, and sleep?
I'm very belligerent. Sugar is not allowed in our house, so Nihal does not include it in his diet. It was a bit of an uphill battle because I had friends and family who pointed out that everyone had consumed sugar at some point in their childhood. But my point is that I have spent my life battling a sugar addiction. When you take a bite of a brownie, you get a hit of dopamine and it's totally addictive and you won't be able to stop. Her husband and I are on the same page on this point, and we have been very particular about it. Since Nihal stopped using powdered milk, she was being fed regular milk without any additives. When she travels she carries a small tetra pack with her so she can easily feed her milk everywhere. When Nihal goes to a party and someone offers him cake, he eats some of it or doesn't, depending on his wishes. I don't keep sugar or sweet foods at home, but I leave it to him when I go out. In fact, some of my cousins secretly fed him sweets. However, just because your child doesn't have a developed taste buds doesn't mean he or she will beg for sweets.
Screen time is limited to long flights and long car drives. When we're not traveling, the only screen he watches with us is the big screen at the movie theater. Delhi now has some great children's cinemas. We try to watch a movie with him at least once a month. But at home we don't watch TV, so neither does he. I think eventually your children will be just like you.
How's your sleep?
My goal is to sleep for 11 hours. Nihal goes to bed by 7.30pm no matter what and wakes up at 6.30am. On weekends and holidays, the closing time may be extended until 8:30 PM, but never later. When someone says their child went to bed at 10 or 11 o'clock, I'm speechless. Sleep is very important for children. Growth hormone is secreted only during deep sleep. Unfortunately, Indian children are the most sleep-deprived children, according to research discussed in Kerry Bajaj's book Sleep Baby Sleep. And the children usually stay up late as they wait for their father to return.
In fact, we are also very strict about the fourth S, seat belts. Nihal has never traveled without a child seat. I don't think most people realize how dangerous it is for a small child to be in a car accident without a seat belt or car seat. Children who are not belted are at greatest risk of death and serious injury.
Are you a strict parent?
I don't know if I'm being strict, but I feel it's important to be disciplined. My mother was very particular. Even now, when I travel and she comes to stay at Nihal's house, his schedule runs like a clock. Lights out is 7:25pm and he wakes up perfectly on time. He is very happy and energetic when we go to school.
Do you have any parenting beliefs that you live by?
I think the best way to teach children is by being a good example. Either way, we are by default our children's first role models, and we should aim to be the best example possible in how we conduct ourselves. I think my strongest habits, including my commitment to fitness, came from my parents. My father was not an overweight man who would sit in a chair and ask me to exercise. He was a healthy man who exercised every day. When I was about 15, he told me to exercise every day. When I resisted, he gave his parental orders. Then it became part of my life, just like it is part of my father's life. Although he is now 75 years old, he still rides his bike every day. He does the same with Nihal and me. He goes cycling and running with me. He has been riding a bicycle without training wheels since before his third birthday. When I went to Ladakh by bike two years ago, he was with me (watching from the car).
We also believe that it is important to remain calm at all times as children are very observant. I'm aware that he's always watching me, so he's aware of how he reacts when someone or something triggers him. I know my son will do what I do, not what I tell him to do.
You are a champion of sustainability and co-founded a company that provides seamless charging for electric vehicles across India. These days, most children come to school by car. Do you think schools should require carpooling and busing?
Schools should do this for three reasons. For one, it's more affordable and more environmentally friendly. Second, it's good for the neighborhood because people who live near schools can't even get in and out of their homes because of traffic jams during school pick-up and drop-off times. Third, I think kids become exposed to a certain sense of elitism when they see someone coming in a certain car. I've heard of cases where kids attending high-end schools wanted to be dropped off a short distance away so no one could see which car they were getting out of. So, aside from sustainability and traffic management, I think uniformity is very important or some will be more equal than others.
Indian parents tend to be obsessed with studies and grades. As a fitness enthusiast, do you think parents should prioritize sports too?
Fitness has certainly been a big part of my life, but it wasn't just about being a great athlete. At the same time, being in the top 2 percent of his class was non-negotiable. It's not one or the other. And it worked out pretty well. I've changed 14 schools for her, including college, master's, and law school, and she's never been in the top 3 in her class (she got her law degree 3 years before her ). Therefore, it is necessary to take root in her desire to excel. When your child reaches class 10, you cannot complain without worrying about his/her grades. You need to instill the desire to excel and hope that then everything will happen naturally. However, that desire is not automatic.
You've talked openly about the difficulty of conceiving. Other celebrities have also not hesitated to reveal that they have had babies through in vitro fertilization, surrogacy, or adoption. However, Amjanta remains very reluctant to discuss infertility issues. They consider it shameful.
Although scientific evidence shows that the causes of infertility are evenly divided between male and female problems, shame is usually always thought to be the woman's fault. associated with facts. Shame often stems from the fact that at some point a man is trying to hide his infertility. Fertility is a heavy weapon against women. I've been very open about the fact that my son is an IVF child. In some cases, couples experience unexplained infertility despite all test results being positive. These things can happen to anyone for a variety of reasons, so why should they be kept secret? I think we, as a society, spend too much time hiding things that are irrelevant in the bigger picture. Having children is all that matters. Kaise hua, kya farak pata hai (Who cares what happened).
Is Nihal as adventurous as you?
he goes camping He does the same thing that we do. For him, it's not a choice. It's part of his life.
Describe motherhood in one word.
It's overwhelming, unappreciated, exhausting, but rewarding at times, albeit in small parts.
WIs the hat the most challenging part?
It's so rewarding when your child occasionally says, “Mommy, it smells like roses,” or “Mommy, I love you.” He's been saying that a lot lately. What's also rewarding is playing with the moms and talking about the good work we're all doing together. we are not alone. I wish more women would talk about how difficult it is to be a mother. It shouldn't be such a big lie that everything will be wonderful and beautiful. It's very challenging. It can be very overwhelming, very exhausting, and you are constantly plagued by a feeling of inadequacy. After all, we all struggle.
Mothers are often reluctant to say they are struggling because they feel they will be judged and considered “bad mothers.”
why? You shouldn't. We should normalize that it is challenging. It's difficult and frustrating. That's why support groups for mothers are so important. We need a mother who says, “We're going to die too.'' This will make you feel less dead. I have a mom friend group. We meet every week. Three of us are working moms. Housewives have unique challenges, and so do working moms. We should make it a habit to talk about the problems we face.
