DUBAI: Worried about whether your child will grow up to be happy and successful? Give them a baby-sized broom.
Apparently, chores are a great way to help kids grow up to not only be more successful, but also to be happier adults.
Studies have shown that household chores in children's lives are associated with greater happiness and success in adulthood, so ignore the complaints about tedious chores and put in place a system to encourage your kids to complete routine household tasks regularly.
Develop a strong work ethic early on
Dr Habib Abdullah, a child clinical psychologist at Danat Al Emarat Hospital, spoke about how household chores benefit children in the long term.
“This program teaches kids some important things: how to deal with frustration, how to deal with adversity and how to delay gratification. Those are the three key things we want to instill in our kids,” he said.
It teaches kids how to deal with frustration, how to face adversity, and how to delay gratification, three key traits we want to instill in our kids.
– Dr. Habib Abdullah, Child Clinical Psychologist, Danat Al Emarat Hospital
As he says, kids want the here and now. All the time. And chores are a great way to introduce structure that helps kids develop skills they might not otherwise pick up.
Mercedes Sheen, head of psychology at the School of Social Sciences at Heriot-Watt University in Dubai, agreed.
“Recent studies have shown that children who participate in age-appropriate household chores such as cleaning and cooking tend to perform better in school and develop problem-solving skills. More importantly, household chores boost self-esteem, instill a stronger sense of responsibility and help children deal with frustration and dissatisfaction. These traits are essential as they grow up as they enable them to manage time, meet deadlines, fulfil promises and discharge responsibilities efficiently. Giving children the opportunity to learn these important life skills at an early age also equips them to be successful in managing their careers and future lives,” she said.
“Though children have busy schedules, it is still important for them to help out with household chores. Parents should encourage their children to contribute to the family by helping with household chores so that they feel a sense of accomplishment and are needed. For example, setting the dinner table can show children that they are a valued part of the family and promote a sense of belonging. Moreover, assigning weekly chores provides children with an opportunity to develop various executive functioning skills such as memory, attention, organisation, time management and planning that will help them in the future,” she added.
“Doing chores helps children develop a strong work ethic. By completing tasks regularly, they learn the satisfaction that comes from working hard and achieving a goal. This work ethic will also carry over to their future careers, making them more disciplined and motivated employees and entrepreneurs,” she said.
As they regularly complete tasks, they learn the satisfaction that comes from working hard and achieving goals. This work ethic will carry over to their future careers, making them more disciplined and motivated employees and entrepreneurs.
– Mercedes Sheen, Head of Psychology, School of Social Sciences, Heriot-Watt University, Dubai
All the skills your child will acquire through household chores
Dr Abdullah outlined the various skills that seemingly mundane tasks can help children develop.
– Time management skills
– Organizational skills
– Accepting responsibility in the family
– Opportunities for success, increased self-confidence
– Ability to balance work and play and achieve a better work-life balance
– How to function independently
But for parents who have never created a chore culture in their home, it can be hard to know where to start. Dr Abdullah recommends splitting the approach into two main aspects: setting general rules around chores and knowing what types of chores are appropriate for children's ages.
You're never too young
At any age, you can encourage your children to do chores that are appropriate for their developmental stage.
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“Firstly, start giving chores to your child from the age of two or three. The earlier you start, the easier it will be for your child. If you teach the concept of chores later, it will be difficult,” he said.
“When it comes to general rules around chores, you need to start by setting clear and reasonable expectations. For example, you could say, 'Take out the trash and put it by the door,' or 'Take the plates and put them on the table,'” then establish a routine. This helps your kids have clear expectations and develop the habit of doing chores. That way, at the end of the night your kids know and can anticipate that the trash bag needs to be moved. Don't keep changing the rules. We all like consistency,” he said.
“Also, for younger children, make it more interesting and fun. Some kids enjoy creating a reward chart, where they get one or two stickers at the end of the task. Once they have collected enough stickers, they get a reward or treat at the end of the task. Visualisation is very helpful and I highly recommend it when you are having issues with your child's obedience,” he adds.
Housework shouldn't just be a learning exercise for your children. It's important to assign your children tasks and chores that their parents normally do.
“Children do what they see, not what they hear. Be a good example and make sure you fulfill the responsibilities that are given to you,” he said.
Don't be overly critical or strict
“Always give positive feedback. If you notice your child picks up a dish and puts it in the sink but doesn't wash it, don't criticize them for not washing the dish straight away. Instead, praise them for what they did and encourage them to wash it too.”
“It is also very important to be flexible at times. Nothing is set in stone and it is important for parents to know when not to push. If the room is messy sometimes, it is not the end of the world. It is important to remember that your child might have had a bad day and not be too strict. It is important to be moderate with household chores. If you are too flexible, your child will not take the responsibilities seriously and will always try to escape. Being too strict is also not good. It is important to do it in moderation,” he said.
Task List
Whether you've never assigned chores to your kids before or you've already started incorporating some tasks into their daily routine, here are some examples of age-appropriate chores that Dr. Abdullah recommends:
2-3 year olds – Ask them to put away their toys, hand them the groceries while you put them in the fridge, or ask them to put on their shirt and then help them button it up afterwards.
Ages 4-5 – Cleaning up after pets, making the bed, putting pillows correctly, clearing the dinner table.
Ages 6-8 – Wipe down counters, put away laundry, clean up around the house.
Ages 9-10 – Unload dishes from the dishwasher, help prepare their own meals, pack their own food.
Ages 10 and up – changing sheets, cleaning the kitchen.
Ages 12 and up – Wash the car with a sibling, help with grocery shopping, or run errands.
I have a nanny/housekeeper, how do I assign chores to my children?
“It's important for parents to be open about how hiring a nanny, maid or other household help will impact their family and the importance of everyone pitching in and doing their part,” Mercedes said.
“Parents should also model this behavior to their children by helping out around the house so they understand why it is important for them to participate. Additionally, these conversations help children understand that helping with household chores is there to support the family, not to completely replace family responsibilities,” she added.
Help your children become independent
Children who learn the skills of completing household chores from an early age will not be shocked when they eventually have to handle daily tasks on their own in college.
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Dr Abdullah also had some simple advice for parents who are still hesitant to let their children cook or clean the house.
“We all want to save our kids all the headaches and heartache, but that's not how the world works. If we're like a snowplow, clearing every obstacle in our kids' path, we deny them the opportunity to learn how to deal with things. I always tell parents that when you make your kids do chores, you're not punishing them or being negative towards them. You're helping them and making them more resilient in how they deal with life.”
