No matter how busy you are, whether you're an actor, writer, or filmmaker. Tiska Chopra That means there's always enough space for her daughter on her calendar. Chopra posted a photo of her and 11-year-old Tara eating her sushi and ramen at a restaurant, and she wrote, “Her secret is spending time together.” The Kasauli-born actor, who became one of the most respected reel mamas for her role as the mother of a dyslexic boy, has written two books and is currently directing his first feature film. are doing.she spoke Neha Bayana On her childhood in Kabul and her thoughts on discipline
You are an actor, director, writer, and mom. Which role is the most difficult for you?
Mom, shut up. Mom doesn't have Sundays off. In fact, I do more mom work on Sundays than any other work. Besides, I think your children not only pass on your DNA, but also your sense of spirituality and life state. So if your child is a little grumpy or doesn't get along well with people, it's important to understand how you act and how you get along with people and what you do in your own life. You can see that it is a direct reflection of what you are doing. Your child is a very magnified mirror of your face. So people need to understand that they need to face that and see where they are going wrong. Looks like that. At the same time, there is nothing more satisfying than having your child curl up on your lap, looking up at you, worshiping you, and saying, “Mommy, story.” I wouldn't trade it for anything.
My second book, What's up with me?, talks about acne, periods, and other issues related to adolescence. What made you decide to write a book for adolescent girls?
A few years ago, I went to the pharmacy to buy sanitary napkins. The guy at the counter said to me, “Idhar aayiye, side mein.” He then wrapped the package in newspaper and placed the newspaper inside black polythene. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man going to the neighboring Paanbidi Dukan and openly buying a pack of cigarettes and gutka. You can openly buy things that are harmful to your health, but what happens to half the world, or will happen to half the world, is hidden and swept under the rug as if it were something to be ashamed of. I realized that it had to be done. That got me thinking about this whole conversation and our weird behavior towards menstruation. And this is Mumbai, not a small town. All these thoughts started a conversation in my head and the idea for a book about navigating the adolescence stage, which is very difficult for most girls, was born. The moment a girl gets her period, society begins to treat her differently. Many of the common concepts are highly cultural. Don't touch the achar, don't go near the temple, etc. I wanted to instill in girls a sense of pride in the miracle of the female body, not shame or guilt.
Have you read Tara?
She was my first reader. I gave her a copy and she disappeared for about an hour. And she came back and said: nice. “It meant so much to me because I wanted to make an appointment to talk to little girls.
Very few people know that you are Khushwant Singh's grandmother. Are you too drawn to writing?
I think I'm an introvert by nature. Reading and writing have always been pillars of my life. Of course, we also write scripts, watch movies, and do storytelling through the movies we make. It comes from a very rich inner life. I was an only child for a long time. My brother was born when I was 6 years old. And he was not a good companion until he himself was at least five or six years old. By that time I was 12 years old. So I had to rely heavily on my own resources. And we lived in Kabul. In the past, the nights were bitterly cold. When I woke up the next morning, there was a white sheet spread out there. It felt like a blank canvas on which to paint my own fairy tale. My parents went to a party and I was left alone to think up stories, read books, and do things. So I think that helped my imagination.
Boredom stimulates creativity.
That is unless you have a device. If you have a tablet or mobile phone, all your free time will be spent on things like YouTube videos. So we have to navigate that space a little more carefully at this point.
Are you strict about screen time?
I try to do that. But she is a dangerous little creature, my child. She does her own thing often. But as long as she is aware that it has certain limits. she's a good girl
You seem to have fond memories of your days spent in Kabul (her father was the principal of the Indian International School there). What do you think after reading about the situation on the ground today?
I remember howling when the Bamiyan Buddhas were blown up. His father took us there. There was a metal staircase that went up to the head of the Buddha, and from the top we could see two beautiful azure lakes that looked like little heavens. It was the most amazing sight. Of all the great men who walked the earth, it was Buddha who desired peace for all people. I still don't understand why they destroyed the statue. This country seems to be a magnet for war, warmongering, and conflict. It bothers me because it was the most fun and beautiful year of my life when we stayed there.
How has your upbringing influenced your choices as a parent?
We grew up with a lot of contact with nature, so it's a little sad that my daughter is growing up in Mumbai. I remember being outside all the time. The only time we were stuck indoors was when it snowed. Afterwards, we built snowmen, rolled in the snow, went skiing, and did all sorts of fun things. Due to our work schedule, we cannot do that to our daughter. I think that's a gap. We try to go on safaris as much as possible, but it's not the same.
Do you believe that you are a friend to your child?
I did not encourage the concept of friends, because friendship necessarily entails equality. And I try to make my girlfriend understand that me and her girlfriend are not equal. We are all equal in God's eyes and are equal human beings. However, there are some rules that she must follow. It's not that I'm not on good terms with her. It's not like she can't talk to me. I tell her: “Friends may come and go, but mothers aren't going anywhere.” Whether you like me, hate me, agree with me or disagree, I'm here. is. You probably only have one mother, and that's me. And go from there. I am your mattress. I am your stone. I'll have your back no matter what. ” (Pause) I’m a bit of a strict parent. But sometimes when I look at her face and she says her (curls her lips downwards to demonstrate) I just melt.
Is she what you want?
Sometimes I do, but not always.
What do you think about the new wave of gentle parenting and positive discipline these days?
My father is an educator, so we have an in-house counselor. One day his daughter forgot her tiffin at home. I was going to send a driver to take her tiffin to school. His father was by his side and said: “That's good parenting, but it's not effective parenting.” I asked him what he meant. He said if she doesn't get the tiffin, three things will happen. The first is that she will never forget Tiffin again. Second, she finds a way to cope at school. She is going to tell her teacher or her friends. She needs to eat, so she needs to develop interpersonal skills. And her third, learn how to put a child in difficult situations without bothering me. I understood what he meant, so I didn't drop Tiffin off at school. And she found a way. She actually had more fun because she ate a lot of her friend's tiffin and it was really fun. But she also realized that she couldn't do this every day. She hasn't forgotten about Tiffin ever since.
I feel like my job is to be there without getting in the way and gently guide her through the course of her life. I don't want her to see me as if I'm the center of her world. I need to help her find the center of her world and allow her to be the center of her world. I don't want parenting to be a “listen to me” ego trip. I'm the one saying that. myself. “
You've been candid about your experience on the casting couch and how you managed to escape. How are you preparing your daughter to handle such unpleasant situations?
She's pretty guarded, so I think it'll be a while before she has to explain any kind of situation on the couch. However, they have been well taught in school about good and bad touch. And I've met her and all of her friends. They are very, very conscious kids. They know what's okay and what's not. That makes me happy. I tell her that she has people who make you uncomfortable. Some people say things you don't want to hear. As long as it doesn't endanger your physical or mental health, it's okay. But if you do, please tell me, her teacher, or someone around you. Don't be silent. Don't take things lying around. But don't be a bully either.
Indian parents tend to be particular about marks. According to you, what are the important life lessons they should focus on instead?
I always tell my daughter, “A life worth living is one that contributes something to the world.'' You are here to bring joy to the world through your talents, whatever they may be. She is a great keyboard player and singer. So I think she understands this on a fundamental level. I don't know if she ever did anything about it. But she's a bit of an annoying old lady to her friends, so she's off to a good start. I feel that at the end of the day, all skills are people skills, whether it's banking, acting, or truck driving. You're just trying to make human life better in whatever you're doing. When you remove any sense of ego from the work you're doing and don't see it as self-aggrandizement or self-promotion, you're actually creating something. Just like with art, you create it for the sake of the art because you believe in the story. You have something to say, a perspective you want others to see, and you want to give them joy through it. And that is where people get the greatest sense of fulfillment.
When 'Taare Zameen Par' was released, there was very little awareness about dyslexia. Are people more empathetic towards children with learning disabilities now?
Yes, I think so. I feel like the times we live in now are more inclusive. It's not ageist. It was very eye-opening. People are now much more inclusive and more sensitive, whether it's the LGBTQI community, whether it's people with multiple disabilities, whether it's people with different body types and different skin colors. Many changes have occurred in the age of social media. This is one of the biggest blessings because so many people criticize people for being insensitive.
You've been turned into a director. Is it difficult to leave your daughter behind and go to an outdoor shoot?
Tara has been traveling with me since the beginning. She was only one year old when we were shooting in Chiplun, a remote part of Maharashtra. She wandered around the set and watched the turkeys roaming around. She remembers a little kitten coming into our room to eat our leftovers. Things got even tougher when she started school. My husband is a pilot, so he was on a plane. But now that she is older and her parents have also moved to Mumbai from Delhi, it has become much easier. they live in the same building. There Nanu and Nani take care of her. It's not too stressful. But every time I come back, it hurts my heart a little because she's grown a little bit more and I'm missing out on some experiences.
You are an actor, director, writer, and mom. Which role is the most difficult for you?
Mom, shut up. Mom doesn't have Sundays off. In fact, I do more mom work on Sundays than any other work. Besides, I think your children not only pass on your DNA, but also your sense of spirituality and life state. So if your child is a little grumpy or doesn't get along well with people, it's important to understand how you act and how you get along with people and what you do in your own life. You can see that it is a direct reflection of what you are doing. Your child is a very magnified mirror of your face. So people need to understand that they need to face that and see where they are going wrong. Looks like that. At the same time, there is nothing more satisfying than having your child curl up on your lap, looking up at you, worshiping you, and saying, “Mommy, story.” I wouldn't trade it for anything.
My second book, What's up with me?, talks about acne, periods, and other issues related to adolescence. What made you decide to write a book for adolescent girls?
A few years ago, I went to the pharmacy to buy sanitary napkins. The guy at the counter said to me, “Idhar aayiye, side mein.” He then wrapped the package in newspaper and placed the newspaper inside black polythene. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man going to the neighboring Paanbidi Dukan and openly buying a pack of cigarettes and gutka. You can openly buy things that are harmful to your health, but what happens to half the world, or will happen to half the world, is hidden and swept under the rug as if it were something to be ashamed of. I realized that it had to be done. That got me thinking about this whole conversation and our weird behavior towards menstruation. And this is Mumbai, not a small town. All these thoughts started a conversation in my head and the idea for a book about navigating the adolescence stage, which is very difficult for most girls, was born. The moment a girl gets her period, society begins to treat her differently. Many of the common concepts are highly cultural. Don't touch the achar, don't go near the temple, etc. I wanted to instill in girls a sense of pride in the miracle of the female body, not shame or guilt.
Have you read Tara?
She was my first reader. I gave her a copy and she disappeared for about an hour. And she came back and said: nice. “It meant so much to me because I wanted to make an appointment to talk to little girls.
Expanding
I think I'm an introvert by nature. Reading and writing have always been pillars of my life. Of course, we also write scripts, watch movies, and do storytelling through the movies we make. It comes from a very rich inner life. I was an only child for a long time. My brother was born when I was 6 years old. And he was not a good companion until he himself was at least five or six years old. By that time I was 12 years old. So I had to rely heavily on my own resources. And we lived in Kabul. In the past, the nights were bitterly cold. When I woke up the next morning, there was a white sheet spread out there. It felt like a blank canvas on which to paint my own fairy tale. My parents went to a party and I was left alone to think up stories, read books, and do things. So I think that helped my imagination.
Boredom stimulates creativity.
That is unless you have a device. If you have a tablet or mobile phone, all your free time will be spent on things like YouTube videos. So we have to navigate that space a little more carefully at this point.
Are you strict about screen time?
I try to do that. But she is a dangerous little creature, my child. She does her own thing often. But as long as she is aware that it has certain limits. she's a good girl
You seem to have fond memories of your days spent in Kabul (her father was the principal of the Indian International School there). What do you think after reading about the situation on the ground today?
I remember howling when the Bamiyan Buddhas were blown up. His father took us there. There was a metal staircase that went up to the head of the Buddha, and from the top we could see two beautiful azure lakes that looked like little heavens. It was the most amazing sight. Of all the great men who walked the earth, it was Buddha who desired peace for all people. I still don't understand why they destroyed the statue. This country seems to be a magnet for war, warmongering, and conflict. It bothers me because it was the most fun and beautiful year of my life when we stayed there.
How has your upbringing influenced your choices as a parent?
We grew up with a lot of contact with nature, so it's a little sad that my daughter is growing up in Mumbai. I remember being outside all the time. The only time we were stuck indoors was when it snowed. Afterwards, we built snowmen, rolled in the snow, went skiing, and did all sorts of fun things. Due to our work schedule, we cannot do that to our daughter. I think that's a gap. We try to go on safaris as much as possible, but it's not the same.
Do you believe that you are a friend to your child?
I did not encourage the concept of friends, because friendship necessarily entails equality. And I try to make my girlfriend understand that me and her girlfriend are not equal. We are all equal in God's eyes and are equal human beings. However, there are some rules that she must follow. It's not that I'm not on good terms with her. It's not like she can't talk to me. I tell her: “Friends may come and go, but mothers aren't going anywhere.” Whether you like me, hate me, agree with me or disagree, I'm here. is. You probably only have one mother, and that's me. And go from there. I am your mattress. I am your stone. I'll have your back no matter what. ” (Pause) I’m a bit of a strict parent. But sometimes when I look at her face and she says her (curls her lips downwards to demonstrate) I just melt.
Is she what you want?
Sometimes I do, but not always.
What do you think about the new wave of gentle parenting and positive discipline these days?
My father is an educator, so we have an in-house counselor. One day his daughter forgot her tiffin at home. I was going to send a driver to take her tiffin to school. His father was by his side and said: “That's good parenting, but it's not effective parenting.” I asked him what he meant. He said if she doesn't get the tiffin, three things will happen. The first is that she will never forget Tiffin again. Second, she finds a way to cope at school. She is going to tell her teacher or her friends. She needs to eat, so she needs to develop interpersonal skills. And her third, learn how to put a child in difficult situations without bothering me. I understood what he meant, so I didn't drop Tiffin off at school. And she found a way. She actually had more fun because she ate a lot of her friend's tiffin and it was really fun. But she also realized that she couldn't do this every day. She hasn't forgotten about Tiffin ever since.
I feel like my job is to be there without getting in the way and gently guide her through the course of her life. I don't want her to see me as if I'm the center of her world. I need to help her find the center of her world and allow her to be the center of her world. I don't want parenting to be a “listen to me” ego trip. I'm the one saying that. myself. “
You've been candid about your experience on the casting couch and how you managed to escape. How are you preparing your daughter to handle such unpleasant situations?
She's pretty guarded, so I think it'll be a while before she has to explain any kind of situation on the couch. However, they have been well taught in school about good and bad touch. And I've met her and all of her friends. They are very, very conscious kids. They know what's okay and what's not. That makes me happy. I tell her that she has people who make you uncomfortable. Some people say things you don't want to hear. As long as it doesn't endanger your physical or mental health, it's okay. But if you do, please tell me, her teacher, or someone around you. Don't be silent. Don't take things lying around. But don't be a bully either.
Indian parents tend to be particular about marks. According to you, what are the important life lessons they should focus on instead?
I always tell my daughter, “A life worth living is one that contributes something to the world.'' You are here to bring joy to the world through your talents, whatever they may be. She is a great keyboard player and singer. So I think she understands this on a fundamental level. I don't know if she ever did anything about it. But she's a bit of an annoying old lady to her friends, so she's off to a good start. I feel that at the end of the day, all skills are people skills, whether it's banking, acting, or truck driving. You're just trying to make human life better in whatever you're doing. When you remove any sense of ego from the work you're doing and don't see it as self-aggrandizement or self-promotion, you're actually creating something. Just like with art, you create it for the sake of the art because you believe in the story. You have something to say, a perspective you want others to see, and you want to give them joy through it. And that is where people get the greatest sense of fulfillment.
When 'Taare Zameen Par' was released, there was very little awareness about dyslexia. Are people more empathetic towards children with learning disabilities now?
Yes, I think so. I feel like the times we live in now are more inclusive. It's not ageist. It was very eye-opening. People are now much more inclusive and more sensitive, whether it's the LGBTQI community, whether it's people with multiple disabilities, whether it's people with different body types and different skin colors. Many changes have occurred in the age of social media. This is one of the biggest blessings because so many people criticize people for being insensitive.
You've been turned into a director. Is it difficult to leave your daughter behind and go to an outdoor shoot?
Tara has been traveling with me since the beginning. She was only one year old when we were shooting in Chiplun, a remote part of Maharashtra. She wandered around the set and watched the turkeys roaming around. She remembers a little kitten coming into our room to eat our leftovers. Things got even tougher when she started school. My husband is a pilot, so he was on a plane. But now that she is older and her parents have also moved to Mumbai from Delhi, it has become much easier. they live in the same building. There Nanu and Nani take care of her. It's not too stressful. But every time I come back, it hurts my heart a little because she's grown a little bit more and I'm missing out on some experiences.
