“When you desperately want a baby and people around you tell you to 'keep trying,' that's not necessarily what you want to hear,” says Hannah. “But it's something we all did. While I was pregnant with Arthur, I always told everyone I met for the first time during my pregnancy, 'It took me a long time to get to this point, and I had three miscarriages.' That's what I was doing. Because she didn't want anyone to think that she stumbled into pregnancy. simply. He was highly wanted after experiencing many losses. ”
Catherine believes the recent introduction of infant death certificates is a good thing. She said: “Although it won't bring back their baby, having their grief acknowledged may help some women during their most difficult times.''
This Mother's Day, all four are looking forward to expressing their gratitude for the baby they've always admired.
“I don't know if it's the strength of the community or someone watching over us, but it feels like a miracle,” Tess smiles. “This year, we can finally celebrate.”
Things not to say to people after losing your baby
According to Bex Gunn, co-founder of The Worst Girl Gang Ever (TWGGE)
'at least …'
Give them a sentence that starts with the word “at least” and they'll roll their eyes. Or a stinky breakdown with mascara marks. “At least it was early…” Why? Is it because you haven't had time to make connections? No one felt comforted by this. Every loss is heartbreaking no matter when it happens. Don't try to interpret our loss positively. When you minimize your losses, your grief doubles. “At least” is like taunting a brother. It's okay for you to do it, but others aren't.
“At least you know you can get pregnant.”
While some people may feel relieved to know their bodies are capable of conceiving, the fear of not being able to take the baby home is far outweighed. For women who suffer from recurrent miscarriages, the knowledge that they can become pregnant is of no comfort. Because it only brings pain and loneliness. Knowing she can get pregnant doesn't help if she can't continue the pregnancy.
“At least it wasn't a real baby. It was just a bunch of cells.
Equating our extremely devastating baby loss with scientific crap will never make you feel better. It's heartbreaking to be made to feel like our baby wasn't real. Your baby is important and so are you – don't forget that.
“At least you didn't have a chance to get too attached.”
This is a very wild misconception. Our heartbreak is justified because the moment we see these positive stretch marks is often the moment we become “obsessed.”
“It wasn't meant to be” / “It was God's plan”
Ah, I see. Since you said so, we don't have to grieve anymore, right? It hurts to say that our heart-wrenching and terrifying experience of losing a baby was “just one of those things that happened, and it wasn't meant to be.” And hurting someone should never be intentional.
“At least you're still young.”
Therefore, we decided that if we were young, we would like to be young parents. We are aware of our age. That was almost certainly part of our decision-making process. Reminding people that we are young can make us feel naive.
Most of the time these comments come from love, but sometimes they come from misunderstanding. There is no “at least” when it comes to baby loss.
Read more about “The Worst Girl Gang Ever” here. theworstgirlgangever.co.uk
