Tracking and celebrating milestones is a big part of the parenting experience. From their first birthday to their first words to their first day of school, there are many exciting opportunities.
These days, parents are injecting fanfare into even the smallest moments. In fact, her latest trend predictions for 2024 on Pinterest suggest more caregivers are embracing the “inch stone.”
According to Pinterest, this year will bring you “small wins.” [that] When parents sprinkle some party atmosphere into their children's not-so-grand moments, it will make the heart feel even more nostalgic. ” Pinterest search data shows that between September 2021 and August 2023, searches for “first tooth brushing party” increased by 40%, while searches for “end of the year school party ideas” and “monthly milestones” increased by 40%. Searches for “ideas for” have increased by 90%.
But despite the apparent proliferation of caregivers celebrating these small moments, “inch stones” are not a new concept. Below, a child development expert explains the history and significance of the inch stone, as well as its potential value as a parenting tool.
What exactly is an inch stone?
As the name suggests, “inch stones” are the opposite of milestones. An inch stone can be a half-birthday, when a tooth is lost, or when a child puts on shoes for the first time without help. It's not a huge leap, but a small step in development.
“I think originally the term was commonly used by parents of children with special needs,” said parent educator Christine Gearing. “Typical milestones take much longer to achieve and a lot of effort goes into them, so celebrating the steps along the way is a great way to help parents see those small accomplishments.” It’s a way to say how much joy it brings you.”
Rather than focusing on milestones like walking, talking, writing, or riding a bike, Gearing says to focus on developing small skills, such as commando crawling, that can eventually lead to big moments. It promoted the value of paying.
“These moments are very important to parents [of special needs kids]Because it's a way to define and confirm a child's progress, regardless of the pace of the child's progress,” Gearing said. “But I think its modern usage is relevant to the small moments in every child's life, regardless of their developmental path.”
There are pros and cons to celebrating inch stones.
For parents of children with special needs, there are clear benefits to recognizing the Inch Stone, as it brings more meaning and inspiration during difficult times. But there are also positives for parents of neurotypical children.
“I think finding the magic in everyday moments is one of the best parts of being a parent,” Gearing said. “I tap into the deep gratitude and joy that the special needs parents I have worked with around the world find in these inch stones, and translate that feeling into the lives of more typical, normal children. I like the idea of incorporating it into development, because that's really magic, isn't it? No matter how quickly or slowly a child progresses and grows, you can slowly make changes, even small ones, that are true. If you can recognize this, you will be able to empathize with your child.”
Gearing cited the old adage, “The days are long, but the years are short.” She emphasized the importance of finding her joy in appreciating the small moments during long days. The story that always sticks out in her mind is the first time the twins argued.
“It was over binky, they were both on my lap, and it was hilarious,” she said. “We know that there are usually no major milestones in sibling fighting, but this is a sign that their interpersonal skills are evolving and they are starting to be able to express their wants and needs, and this is why many of the fights I remember thinking that it was my first opportunity to learn conflict resolution skills. Moments like that are priceless! ”
However, there is a downside to celebrating Inchstone.
“I think it has to do with how we define 'celebrate,'” Gearing said. “If you eat cake or ice cream every time your child makes some progress, it quickly loses its meaning, like a never-ending Christmas. There’s a reason why celebrations feel special. , because celebrations don’t happen every day.”
She pointed out that such habits can also result in children becoming demotivated. Many studies have shown that effort-focused praise is more effective and encourages children to learn from failure and mistakes. On the other hand, fanfare and praise about things a child cannot control, such as innate talent or unavoidable events, can reduce their motivation to continue taking on difficult challenges to improve their skills.
“My concern about celebrating Inchstone is that the celebration becomes meaningless for children, and their ability to distinguish between the hard work they have put in to achieve something, and the effort they put into it.'' “I fear we will lose the ability to feel pride and joy in our results,” Gearing said. . “If everything is going to be celebrated anyway, why should we try harder?”
There's also the fear that already busy parents will feel pressured to plan a special, Pinterest-worthy celebration for every little event in their child's life. However, caregivers can take a more balanced approach to inch stones.
“If 'celebrating' means taking the time to share the magic you found in that moment, giving them an extra big hug and smiling, it becomes a completely different feeling. '' Gearing said. “This celebration is about sharing, bonding, and taking time to notice and appreciate how they are growing and changing.”
“Those things are [relationships] “And help children feel seen and loved,” she continued. “They're also the kinds of things that can build a more inner appreciation and teach kids that there's a kind of quiet pride and joy in recognizing our growth. without causing an explosion.”
Inchstone is more than just a celebration.
The concept of inchstones is also useful when teaching children how to perform certain tasks.
Clinical psychologist and author Jenny Yip says, “With children, it's important to help them break down their own tasks so that as they grow older they learn how to do it on their own.'' “You can do that.” “When your kids are toddlers and you start telling them to clean up the play area, remember that they can only handle one command from her at a time.”
However, by the age of 3, most children can handle two commands.
“It's not until around age 4 that children are able to respond to more commands: 'Take off your shoes, clean up, put your clothes in the basket,'” Yip explained. . “Children can't hold a lot of information in their heads at once, so it's helpful to break down large tasks into smaller units, or inch stones.”
Like Gearing, Yip emphasized the importance of praising children's concrete efforts along the way, rather than simply saying, “Good job” (“You followed my instructions very well! ” or “That was a great pitch. I can see you put in the time to practice.”) boy! ” or “Good girl!”
“Many parents may have unrealistic expectations for their children to 'get things done' just like adults,” Yip says. “When we praise our children for their little accomplishments, we as parents recognize that they are actually doing what they are supposed to do, and doing it well. It helps them realize that their efforts matter.”
You don't have to be a parent or a child to embrace an inch stone. Everyone can make an effort to recognize and honor the small victories of their loved ones. For that matter, the same goes for your own victories. And breaking down larger tasks or goals into inch stones can help people achieve their goals.
“When you're given a big role like this where you can't see the finish line, it can lead to anxiety and procrastination. If you can't see the finish line, you don't do things when you should, or you don't do them when you should. “Because there is a high possibility that we will do so,'' Yip said. “When you break down a task into smaller chunks, it becomes more realistic and therefore more achievable.”
