From tigers to helicopters to jellyfish, it seems like no day will pass when new parenting styles start trending on social media. It's literally a jungle. Jennifer Garner said one of the buzzwords that's been thrown around a lot these days is “benign neglect.” today That's how she is raising her three children, Violet (17), Seraphina (14), and Samuel (11).
When asked about her parenting style, Garner said, “I don't know if I have an overarching philosophy.” I think they're really cool people and I want to hear everything about them and be around them. But I also think it's okay for them to suffer a little bit of benign neglect. ”
Of course, all of these terms may be difficult for parents to understand. Because, among all the eggshells and lawn mowers, aren't most of us just trying to get through? Few parents have the time to think, “I need lawnmower skills in this situation!'' Additionally, specific parenting scenarios will always require different approaches. So a “lawnmower parent” who keeps the bedroom tidy can become a “free range parent” on the playground. You get the point.
“As parents, we absorb messages and judgments from those around us that push us in different directions. We also have to negotiate and compromise with our partners and those involved in our care,” British Counseling Psychology says. says Georgina Starmer, a certified counselor and member of the Association for Therapy Therapy (BACP). “We have other demands that may not fit our philosophy, but we may end up parenting in a way that reflects the time and energy we have available. It means.”
But if you're curious to know more about the parenting styles that are trending on the internet, we asked experts to give you the lowdown on each one.
What are the four original parenting styles?
In the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind identified three major parenting styles: permissive, authoritarian, and authoritarian. Her fourth style, uninvolved, was then added by Stanford University researchers Eleanor McCovey and John Martin in the 1980s. Although these definitions may vary, we have provided a high-level overview of each parenting style below.
What is permissive parenting?
Permissive parents foster love, warmth, and empathy, but also struggle to set boundaries for their children. So, in reality, this might look like being asked for ice cream in the middle of the night and not being able to say no. Of course, as any busy parent will tell you, sometimes it's just easier to persuade (“Oh, if we watch one more episode of Peppa Pig, you'll let us wear your school shoes?”). Rules and timeliness in children's daily lives.
What is authoritative parenting?
Unlike permissive parenting, authoritative parents set firm limits on their children, but are still nurturing and supportive. So even though we set clear boundaries for our children, they always give us the support they need to meet those boundaries. An example of this is giving your child chores but allowing them to choose which tasks they do.
What is authoritarian parenting?
The harshest is authoritarian parenting. It is generally characterized by having high expectations for children, following strict rules, and leaving little room for discussion or flexibility. Essentially, this is a “tough love” approach that can positively shape your child's behavior in the short term. However, experts warn that this parenting style can lead to low self-esteem in the long run and lead to rebellion in children in the future.
What is uninvolved parenting?
Also known as neglectful parenting, this style occurs when parents do not respond to a child's broader needs. So while they may provide basic necessities such as a roof over their head, food, and clothing, they remain emotionally distant and have little support or supervision.
What is modern parenting style?
Since Baumrind identified four major parenting styles, a number of popular buzzwords have emerged in recent years that attempt to encapsulate our different approaches to parenting. From tigers to helicopters, we've broken down some important terms.
What is a helicopter parent?
Helicopter parenting is one of the most popular styles on social media, and even celebrities are getting involved. One of his most famous examples of helicopter parenting is “mamager” Kris Jenner, who admitted in an Instagram video, “I'm an old-school helicopter mom.” Understandably, this has led many parents to wonder, “How do I know if I'm a helicopter parent?”
Starmer explains that it's helpful to think of this metaphor to understand what helicopter parenting is really like. “The helicopter parent is sitting in a metaphorical helicopter with a bullhorn in her hand, ready to give instructions and control her child,” she says. Think of the parent who starts coaching the teacher at sports day, or the parent who is constantly overthinking their child's safety.
What are the effects of helicopter parents?
Of course (most of the time) this comes from a good place. Starmer explained that it's natural for parents to want their children to be safe, happy and successful, and having an element of control over them gives them control over how to make that happen. This is one of the.
But to understand the motivations behind helicopter parents, Starmer says we need to look at our own underlying insecurities. “This may be based on our own childhood experiences, traumas, and a desire to protect our children from repeated failures. Or it may be based on our own feelings about the state of the world in which our children live It may be based on our own insecurities,” she says. “Taking control over our children's lives may be a way to deal with other aspects of our own lives that we struggle to control.”
The risk of this, she says, is that children “may not develop a sense of autonomy or personal preference” and may end up prioritizing the needs of others over their own. “Or they could rebel and challenge our authority, leading to conflict and dangerous actions,” she added.
Learn more about helicopter parenting here.
What is a lawnmower parent?
Again, it's all in the name. Like a lawn mower, this type of parent “moves down” any obstacle that stands in their way. Instead of hovering like a helicopter, we actually intervene to get what's best for the child. Examples of this include getting your child's homework done, trying to resolve conflicts in a friendship, or constantly removing your child from difficult situations.
While on the surface this may seem considerate, Starmer explains that foster parents need to be aware of the “tipping points” that can turn them into suffocating parents. “There are important life skills we learn when we get things wrong. We learn how to resolve conflicts, how to apologize, and how to take responsibility for our actions. Parents who use lawn mowers may have good intentions. “No, but they may be suppressing their child's resilience,” she says.
What is a tiger parent?
The concept of tiger parenting was first coined by Amy Chua, a law professor at Yale University and mother of two daughters. She published a book called The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother about her own parenting style. In it, she suggested that a strict parenting culture was popular in China and superior to the laid-back approach she perceived in Western culture. Her theory divided the internet and sparked a national debate.
Since then, Tiger parents, characterized by strictness and encouraging their children to succeed academically, have become mainstream. Proponents of tiger parenting say it helps children become more motivated, productive and responsible. In many cases, there is certainly an underlying sense of warmth, especially when children are well supported. However, some children have a hard time growing up under this parenting style and may develop rebellion.
What kind of impact does this have on raising tigers?
“Tiger Parenting is built on the desire for our children to grow up in a society that values success,” says Starmer. “But the risk is that children may learn or decide that the only way to get their parents' attention is to achieve something. That's what children really need. It's about unconditional love and security.”
Starmer added that extreme tiger parenting can lead to stress and burnout. “And ultimately, it can be difficult for parents too when we confuse our own sense of success with our child's accomplishments,” she says.
What is an eggshell parent?
Everyone is familiar with the phrase “walking on eggshells”, and now it has also entered the world of parenting. “'Eggshell parenting' is when we make our children feel as if they have to walk on eggshells because of our actions,” Starmer says. This style was created by clinical psychologist Dr. Kim Sage, whose TikTok about eggshell parenting became popular.
Starmer explains that this can manifest itself in a number of ways. “We may show anger or anxiety, fear or sadness, or vacillate between different emotions. From a child's perspective, we may not quite know how to control our emotions, or we may The desire to care for the child becomes erratic or anxious,” she says.
What is a free-range parent?
The egg theme continues! As the name suggests, free-range parenting is the idea of giving children as much autonomy as possible. The main proponent of this theory is the book's author, New York-based writer and artist Lenore Skenazy. free range kids. Lenore made headlines in 2008 when she wrote about walking her 9-year-old son home alone on the subway, a decision that led some people to call her cruelly “the world's worst”. I ended up calling her the worst mother ever. Whatever your opinion on parenting style, we are in no way advocating shaming her mother.
In many ways, Starmer explains, free-range parenting feels like a “healthy antidote” to a world where children are used to being contacted, tracked and supervised. “When children are given autonomy, they develop strong practical skills for problem-solving and coping with everyday life,” she says.
However, she advises that it's important to always balance this approach with giving children the emotional support they need. “Leaving children on their own when they want the attention and security of their caregivers can also have negative effects. “Or they may decide that they are not worthy of our support and development and are offered independence,” she says.
What is benign neglect?
Garner's preferred method of parenting is similar to free-range parenting in that it allows children autonomy and encourages freedom, creativity, and choice. But the key difference, Starmer explains, is that parents with benign neglect have more boundaries. “So if a helicopter parent is buzzing over her head and the free-range parent is nowhere to be seen, it's probably because a 'benign neglect' parent is nearby having a cup of coffee,” she says. “They can step in if they really need to, but they're content to let things take their course and see if the kids can solve the problem on their own.”
What is the most effective parenting style?
There really is no manual for raising children. It's all about finding the style that suits you and your child. Many experts often cite an authoritarian parenting style as the preferred approach. A study published in 2012 found that children raised by authoritarian parents have higher levels of self-esteem and quality of life than children raised by authoritarian or permissive parents. I did. However, this all depends on your own situation.
Alice Hall is a staff writer at Grazia UK. She was previously a junior features writer for the Daily Telegraph. At Grazia, she writes news and features about culture, dating, health, politics, and interiors.
