I started planning in February. I had spreadsheets, camp flyers, calendars, and breakdowns of expenses for five kids, ages 1 to 9. But the budget was hectic, and most of it fell on me, the mom. I'm proud that society has moved to share the “invisible burden” more equitably, but I realized that when warm weather and summer vacation arrived, it all fell apart. Why, when I see the drop-off lines at summer camps, I still wonder if there are still people waiting to get into the camps. Mostly moms?
A 2023 Pew Research Center survey found that one in five fathers are stay-at-home dads, while the U.S. Census Bureau estimated that nearly one in four children under the age of 15 are stay-at-home dads in 2023. And a 2022 Pew Research Center survey found that 78% of mothers feel they do most of the work when it comes to childcare tasks, including managing their children's schedules and activities. And every parent knows that activities never get more confusing, complicated, and expensive than when school ends in May or June.
One factor may be the big event (name withheld) that occurred in March 2020. A 2022 survey found that women's total work hours fell by 11% from May to June, twice as much as men's (due to school closures and childcare issues over the summer).
Working mothers are at further risk of becoming completely overwhelmed when balancing work and childcare, a struggle they've dubbed “summer ceiling,” which the blog The Corporate Sister defines as “the constellation of professional and personal obstacles that working mothers face during the summer months as a result of scarcity (or a complete lack) of childcare resources, marriage equality, and overall gender equality.”
So if you feel like life is getting harder and harder as summer approaches, you're not alone. The New York Times –“The time of year when we hear most about disparities in mental load among families is during the holidays and summer. Too often, one adult in the household — the mother in heterosexual couples — is the one shouldering all the responsibility. Summer planning is especially tricky because it's surprisingly complicated. Parents who don't make a schedule simply don't have time to plan. I have no idea. What is going on?”
She points to a lack of available child care as a major culprit: “I have lamented many times the lack of year-round schools,” she writes.
Crystal Britt, a social worker and therapist trained in the Fair Play Method and co-host of the podcast “Time to Lean” about emotional strain and domestic labor, reports that mothers are changing the frequency of their sessions from every-other-week to weekly over the summer due to increased demand.
“Additional stressors that moms face during the summer include the expectations on themselves to be a fun summer mom, the stress and anxiety of still having to work, meeting their kids' summer expectations, financial pressures to pay for additional activities, continually adjusting meals and snacks to fit a new summer schedule, the burden of adjusting yourself and all of your kids to a new summer routine, and the expectation of communicating all of this to your partner,” she says. “Oh, and let's not forget nurturing that marriage or relationship with that partner.”
Olivia Rutman, founder and CEO of Kids Care Finder in Carlsbad, California, and mother of three boys under the age of 5, agrees that it all feels overwhelming. “The struggles of summer camp are no joke. I've heard horror stories about overly complicated spreadsheets, parents taking three days off work just to book a camp, and camps selling out the moment they open,” she says.
So what can parents do for the summer? A 2024 study from Ohio State University offers some suggestions to prevent burnout, which 57% of parents face:
Connect with Children Think simple things (it doesn't have to be an elaborate trip to the amusement park!) like being together, listening, being creative, playing together, and physical affection.
Check your unhealthy thinking patterns You will need to make your own judgments about, for example, how involved you are as a parent over the summer and whether you have actual evidence to support your concerns.
Recalibrate your expectations To prevent frustration and low self-esteem: even if there aren't any beach vacations planned for your kids in the future, acknowledge that you're doing a good job keeping them safe and fed within the limited parenting time you have.
Prioritize and actJust because other people book their kids into STEM lab activities from morning until dinner doesn't mean you have to. Maybe your kids thrive off being rested and not overscheduled, so you might as well take the pressure off. Researchers have found that free play time is powerful.
Start planning very early, Starting in January isn't a stupid idea. Oster writes: “If you have a partner, invite them. I recommend sitting down for an hour while looking at a calendar and reminiscing about previous summers and making a plan. If there are any open questions that need to be answered, make a plan to answer them (this might also require a follow-up meeting). If you need to sign up by a deadline, put it on the calendar. This meeting is also an opportunity to determine who will do the work and if there is a way to divide the work. If you do share the burden, think about the principle of full responsibility transfer — sharing the whole task, not just part of it.”
Collaborate with other parents to find cheaper options.”“A lot of parents around me are feeling the same pressures and anxieties about summer vacation, and thankfully, many of them are working hybrid or remotely like me,” says Lisa Ockinga, chief product officer at Seattle-based language-learning app Ling, Ltd. and mother of two. “We rotate where one parent drops off the kids with me one or two days a week, and the other parent does the same in return. At the very least, the kids get to interact with each other and get out of their comfort zones.”
Use these pandemic-era skills: “Looking back at the pandemic, the ideas of 'pods' and 'village spirit' really helped me prepare for the summer,” says Nikki McDonald, a mother of two and financial advisor at Northwestern Mutual in Arlington, Virginia.
Share long-term responsibilities with your partner to increase awareness. It's definitely something that needs to be done, but it might be a step in the right direction towards splitting things more equitably next summer. Britt says, “Summer is a season that's fondly remembered by the beneficiaries (dad, kids) but frowned upon by the default partner who sets up all of those happy memories (mom). This also applies to the holiday season for similar reasons.”
So until things even out, find a pool, take an hour off, and realize that summer is good for you too, because you so richly deserve it.
